Why The First Year Of Marriage Can Be Rocky

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Why The First Year Of Marriage Can Be Rocky

Everyone thinks of the first year of marriage as the "honeymoon" period, but newlyweds can often be dismayed to find that the first year can be rockier than they expected. So don't be surprised if your marriage is a little volatile during the first year.

The truth is that the first year tends to be unstable for a few reasons. For one, you are testing each other's boundaries to see how far you can push one another. For another, you are each coming to terms with the disconnect between fantasy and reality, the fantasy idea of who you thought you were going to marry and the actual person you ended up marrying. No matter how much you love your partner, you probably never envisioned how your life would play out on a day-to-day basis, unless of course you have already lived with him or her for a long time. In the year after you tie the knot, you realize that who you thought you were going to marry and who you did marry in the end are probably pretty different.

The first year of marriage is often a reality check. It takes time to build a bridge in your mind between the life partner you'd always fantasized about since you were in your teens and the partner who is now in your home. The more quickly you can be more realistic and let go of expectations, the better, because staying in that fantasy place can cause a lot of stress and frustration. The more quickly you can appreciate your partner for who he or she really is, the better.

Oli and I were much more volatile in our first year of marriage than we are now. I remember arriving in Sri Lanka for our honeymoon. Oli was nursing a headache, he had an upset stomach, a crook in his neck from sleeping badly and he had one more issue that I probably shouldn't tell you about! He was walking slowly, almost limping, in front of me because he was so uncomfortable! One of his hands was supporting his head and the other was on his stomach, and I remember thinking, Oh, shoot, this is who I married? I had always thought I was going to marry an athlete! Of course there were many things -- and are many things -- that I love about my husband. But at that moment, fantasy and reality collided, and I had to take a minute to readjust my perspective and to remember and appreciate my husband for all his wonderful qualities: the things I love about him that I never would have dreamed up in my wildest fantasies!
 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Sophie Keller

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Happiness expert and best selling author Sophie Keller appears regularly on Fox, NBC, ABC, CBS and on KTLA 5 Morning News. Her books include How Happy is Your Love Life? 50 Great Tips to Help You Attract and Keep your Perfect Partner. How Happy is Your Home? 50 Great Tips to Bring More Health, Wealth and Joy in to Your Home.  How Happy is Your Health? 50 Great Tips to Help You Live a Long, Happy and Healthy Life. And How Happy is Your Marriage? 50 Great Tips to Make Your Relationships Last Forever.  Sophie writes regularly for The Huffington Post, she was 'Good News' Ambassador for LG Electronics, is an Ambassador for Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution and has been featured in many magazines including Self, Healthy Living and Women's World. Sophie has also created a workbook and guided meditation for women who have lost babies during or just after pregnancy called  Healing After Miscarriage

You can join the bimonthly newsletter and find out about Sophie Keller's events at www.howhappyis.com. Follow Sophie on twitter at Sophie_Keller and join the conversation on Happiness on the How Happy is Facebook page. The daily tips and advice can only help you to become happier.  

Location: Santa Monica, CA
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