Let me try to explain this concept in a more tangible way. When a man meets a woman, the first thing that is going to attract him to her is more than likely going to be her appearance. And there is nothing wrong with this. But you have to look beyond that. If a man is looking for a wife and is so attracted to her that he marries her off the strength of appearance alone. It could be possible that he could make a grave mistake. The reason being, because he never got to know her inside.
I am going to chose to address something that I often see when doing couple's counseling or just observing couples in general. And that is choosing their boyfriend or girlfriend based solely on how they look but never getting to know what goes beyond that. The reason this idea first came to me because I feel that media has turned the outside image to being more important than your inside image (better known as your personality). Now do not get me wrong, I personally feel that you should try to look your best and you should be physically attracted to your partner. But after looking your best, you need to have something to go along with that.
I often here men complain about wives or girlfriends do not cook, clean, they are a bad mother, have a bad mouth, party all the time, do hard drugs, cheats, and run off randomly in the middle of the night—I mean the list can go on and on. But at the end of the day, they chose that woman, and had they not been so concerned with her outward appearance, they may have found out that she would not be a good long-term partner.
As I was watching television the other day, I saw a couple and was amazed. They were married for several years and the wife wanted a child and the husband didn't. The wife, of course, was heartbroken over the fact that she may never get a chance to be a mother. I found that I was much bewildered by this story. When they were dating, had they not discussed the very basics of a the relationship such as having kids? Or were they too busy having sex to have real conversations about what their future together would be?
Love does not equal lust. And if you do not know the difference, I encourage you to stop having sex with your partner for a while and find out if you actually love them and not just their body. Or what they do to you in the bedroom.
I feel a quote that best sums up what this article is trying to say is "Charm Fools, and Beauty fades". Proverbs 31:30
Meaning that whoever you are with will get old, they may gain weight, and they may not look so pretty when they are pregnan or sick in the hospital bed. And when that happens, you still want to be able to look at them the same way and feel that you love them. When a baby pops out, you want to know without a shadow of a doubt that this person is going to be a good parent. Not a parent that is going to leave a 6 month old baby crying in the crib all day alone, while they are out getting their nails done.
So I dare you to look deeper than what is on the surface. Do not just think "I will get with her because we will have pretty children." Think once we have those children, is she going to be a good mother? Think "Is she going to be the type of women that I would like my daughter to grow up to be or have my son marry?" If the mother of your child is walking around with her nipples, breast, and imprints of her vaginal lips showing while in public, then you may want to rethink having her as the mother of your children. A child will do what you do and not want you say. Looks are important when first meeting someone, but the inside is more important when it comes to weather the relationship will last or not.
Enjoyed this article and want to read more? Check out Sophia's blog!
More relationship questions advice from YourTango: