As our relationship has progressed we have continued to “speak our minds”. As we have become closer it is sometimes more difficult for me to bring certain things up. It may seem that it should get easier and easier but as the bond between us builds the stakes get higher. Allowing myself to be vulnerable while verbalizing my honest but perhaps painful truth is scary. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with the person I love. But while I want our relationship to last, I don’t want our relationship to be based on false pretences. I know that a relationship of this nature would never satisfy either of us. We continue to remind each other that as we share with one another we are always coming from a loving place; that we both want the same thing.
Through this experience I have learned a few things. First and foremost that my happiness has almost nothing to do with what someone else is doing. My happiness has everything to do with what goes on inside of me. If I can trust that my boyfriend is always coming from a loving place than I don’t have to have unnecessary stuff swirling around in my mind. My issues reside inside of me. Secondly, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by being open and honest in our relationship. Anything I hold inside only serves to disrupt my peace. In the past I have held many things inside. A large part of me believed I was doing the right thing by not voicing my negative feelings and emotions. I now believe I couldn’t have been more wrong. I have come to understand that when I hold on to negative thoughts and feelings they don’t go away. Not only do they not go away they tend to build. And ironically the things that “caused” those feelings in the first place are quite often misunderstandings and misinterpretations. Had I given a voice to them I may have found that I was misinformed. Consequently much of the upset that I experienced because of these misinformed feelings could have been avoided.