A letter to all of you who want to change the world.
I’ve lost my ambition.
Well…that might not be true because those words insinuate that I am in ownership of ambition and just misplaced it. The more accurate declaration would be that my ambition has run away from home. She packed up my inspiration and good intention to take with her. I’m pretty sure they are traveling route 66 in a turquoise convertible. I say that because that’s what I would do if I were them.
In the absence of my ambition, inspiration and good intention I’m noticing some interesting things...
I no longer feel the need to be the cheerleader for my friends and family or for the guy who details my car. I also feel little need to save the world one person at a time. I’m uninspired, disenchanted and disinterested. I’m tired of projects and planning. I’m tired of putting all my ideas in an ice cream freezer of dreams, hoping to churn out something that has meaning.
I’m tired of being a cat chasing the red laser dot on the wall. I’m tired of staying alert, staying positive and holding onto the possibility that someday… I’ll catch the red laser dot. What would I do with a red dot if I caught it anyway? It doesn’t matter. The red dot isn’t tangible just like many other things I’ve aspired to. Like the things that should have happened, might have happened, sort of happened, like the red dot, not real.
That brings me to the next question. Who am I when I stop chasing the cat toy of distraction? Who am I without, “should do”? Who am I without, “have to do”? Who am I without ambition, inspiration or intention? Who am I without my ego telling me to do more and do it better? Who am I when I stop thinking about being the next Oprah or writing the next best seller or creating the next life changing class? Who am I when I stop believing that it is I that will somehow save the whales, save a tree or save the planet?
I can also hear my ego telling me that I’m lazy and selfish. It’s telling me that I’m taking up too much space and breathing air I didn’t earn. Well…right now…I’m tired of that too so BRING IT! Bring the blame and the shame. NO gold stars for me.
Now…I just sit. I sit with no ambition, no big ideas, no sacred inspiration, no intention to do anything but sit in this space that seems like uselessness. No goals. No “should have beens”. No damn red laser light to chase. I’m just sitting in this space of being.
“Oh…Well Hello Sweet Girl!” I just heard my soul say as though she hadn’t seen me in a very long time. “There you are!” she says with excitement. “Finally…you’re back…We knew you would come back.” She whispers. “Now…we can create real magic…together…NOW…. and only NOW, in this space. Thank you for making room for me. Thank you for letting go...
Jennifer Hunt is a Certified Holistic Life Coach who helps women find the missing pieces of living an authentic, abundant and joyful life. Who would you be if you knew who you were? Answer your own questions in a powerful, effective and fun way. Schedule your FINDING YOU call and visit Sisters of Earth and Sky for exploration, inspiration and playfulness.