A few years ago, a friend of mine who was dating a guy with kids said to me, "Today is my boyfriend’s daughter’s 16th birthday. I got her a dozen roses and a box of her favorite chocolates." I replied, "That’s nice." My friend responded, "What does it matter? She’ll still hate me." Dating someone with kids can be really difficult.
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It can be so complicated, with many factors to consider.
1. The kids might feel like they are being disloyal to their mother or father if they are kind to the girl or the guy.
2. They might be jealous that the girlfriend or boyfriend is taking their parent’s time.
3. They might have hope that their parents are getting back together and that this is the woman or man standing in the way.
4. They might really like the girlfriend or the boyfriend but are just shy.
5. They might just want to be with their mom or their dad. Alone.
Here’s what I’ve learned over the years. No one’s boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s kids hate them. IT’S NOT PERSONAL! I have a friend who is in her forties, who told me that her parents got divorced in high school, and that she was really mean to her dad’s girlfriend (who is now his wife) for years. She said she ended up apologizing to the woman years later, because she realized it wasn’t the woman she disliked, it was her feeling resentful that her dad wasn’t with her mom.
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