If you decide to try speed dating, the old adage that in order to meet someone nice you need to "be yourself" is true...but there are certain exceptions to this rule. The first big problem with the term to "be yourself" is that it is so over used. Successive generations have given out this standard piece of advice to perplexed daters who have no idea what it means. 30 Speed Dating Dos And Don'ts
People on the receiving end of this wisdom understandably find themselves asking, "Who else could I be? I can only be me, what does this mean?" The phrase is normally trotted out when someone appears to be behaving in a way which is inconsistent or incompatible with the view that other people have of them. The person is, in essence, pretending to be someone different, with views, ideas and interests which are inauthentic.
More from YourTango: Sex and Dating: Why It Really Does Matter
Speed dating for some is a prime opportunity for reinvention—to pretend to be someone else, to create a fantasy of the kind of person you guess other people might want to see. This is folly, it never works. Most people are far more intuitive than you think. They can spot artifice from fifty paces and the only thing that anyone is ever truly impressed with, or taken by, is authenticity. Put simply, other speed daters have paid money to meet the real you—a real you that they may be attracted to, or may not be...but they will not be interested at all in a fantasy version of who you think you are. "We Have No Chemistry": What Does He Mean?
Problem two with "being yourself" lies at the other end of the spectrum and it can be summed up as the, "this is me, like it or jog on" attitude, which if anything is more boring and annoying than someone pretending to be a secret agent or a stunt man. Someone who has only partially grasped the idea of being one's self tends to assume that people will admire an authentic expression of personality, even if that personality is rude, stupid and obnoxious. People who are insensitive, crass or ignorant in polite conversation sometimes revert to the defense of, "I just speak my mind...", as if their bad manners are given some legitimacy by the fact that they are being honest.
This is to miss the point of "being yourself" entirely, especially in dating terms. Your job is to charm, not to offend and if being yourself means being a bore, then really, do be someone else. 4 Steps To Becoming A Hotter Date
More from YourTango: Embrace Your Curves
The best way to think about dating in general, and speed dating in particular, is that people are waiting to see the best version of you. They want to meet the aspect of you that they will want to reward with their time and interest. Be yourself by all means, but be smart; you are being genuine, but you're playing a game just like everybody else.
To Read Great Sex Advice: