One of my younger female friends reminds me a lot of myself before I came into my sexual confidence. Despite having the slim and fit build and striking looks envied by many women and admired by many men, her insecurity about having smaller breasts not only feeds her jealousy of her loving boyfriend’s perceived attraction to other, curvier women, but also interferes with her ability to fully accept his open adoration (and wild lust) for her physical self. A conversation we had one day inspired these six steps to claim your sensual confidence.
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1. Learning to Embrace Allof You
One day, in the midst of her venting about how her beau loves to caress and kiss her breasts, which she hates due to disliking them, herself, I stopped her cold. “Look at it from his perspective. Do you see how he might take your reaction as a rejection of one aspect of his expression of love?”
From a purely physical perspective, there might be things about your partner that might be nice—bigger boobs, six-pack abs, longer hair or plumper lips. Likewise, there might be things about yourself that you’d change in an ideal world. Yet when you find yourself truly loving another person, your heart is not keeping a running tab about which parts of your partner “pass” or “fail.” I’ve been surprised more than once by a romantic partner finding the very features I least appreciate are the very features he loves the most. Don’t question it—relish it!
My friend’s boyfriend worships the ground she walks on. He wants her more than he’s wanted any other woman in his life. Part of embracing your sensuality is having the openness to embrace the adoration and trusting the expression of love of another when genuinely and respectfully given.
2. Take a Good, Honest Look at Yourself
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We’ve all got something special about the way we look. We may be blind to those features when we’re flooded with our insecurities, but we can practice turning off the inner critic. Every day, look in the mirror and find something you can appreciate in the reflection. It may be your strong arms, your long neck, your curly hair, your muscular butt, your twinkling eyes or your smile. Don’t stop looking at that mirror until you can find something you can acknowledge to yourself out loud. If you’re still having trouble, ask someone who loves you to list some of your best traits. Then ask a few more friends for good measure. Claim it! Now, when you go out in public, have confidence that the right others will appreciate those parts of you too.