Why is it that a month into a relationship and suddenly you feel like it’s ok to stop trying? Yes, it’s normal and totally acceptable to let our guards down a little- to not get gussied up every time you see him, to turn him down for sex on occasion, to sit around in sweat pants,… even to fart. Get comfortable, make yourself at home in his presence, let your hair down, be yourself. That’s all great. BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT! HE ISN’T YOUR BROTHER.
Sure he says he loves you even without makeup on, and that’s sweet, but that doesn’t mean you have permission to now only wear makeup when you get gussied up to go out with the girls!
Remember at the beginning of your relationship as you were shaving your legs and perfectly coiffing your pubs thinking “I can’t imagine ever not wanting to take the time to do this…” What happened?
Like women, men want to feel wanted, they want to be desired, they want to feel needed and loved, they want to feel like you are trying. Just because you’ve moved in together, or you’ve been going out for a year, doesn’t mean that suddenly he’s blind. You can’t just kill off the sexy girl that you once were, the one who seduced him, then wonder why the girl at the office wearing the short skirts and giving him attention is getting his attention back. It’s time to put some effort into your relationship!
But you’re just not as attracted to him as you once were? You prefer lounging in sweats at home, keeping your hair in an unkempt ponytail, and wearing your cozy mismatched bra and panties? Mindset is a big part of it. Feel sexy, you will act sexy. Dress up, shave your legs, and adjust your attitude! Flirt with him when you go out. YES flirt! You may have already gotten him, but that doesn’t mean that now you should just talk about that annoying chick at work, the frustrating thing your mom said, how stressed you are that you are gaining weight, and how you found yet another gray hair on your head! Come on now… do you think that’s sexy? Do you think that’s going to make him want you? Do you think that kind of conversation is going to make you want him? No. The answer is no, it’s not.
Similar to how I believe that you should actually use your fancy silverware and china instead of keeping it stuffed in the back of the cabinet (really, what are you saving it for? USE your nice stuff, enjoy it! You only live once…). Wear your sexy lingerie- often! You might think that he doesn’t notice it. You might feel like every time you put it on, he is too tired and passes out without getting an eye full of how hot (and uncomfortable) you have secretly been all night! And maybe you’re right, maybe he doesn’t notice, but he will notice if you’re not wearing it….
I know because I did it. It happened to me. After one too many “rumors” and inappropriate glances to other chicks, I couldn’t take it anymore. Why was my guy paying so much attention to every hot chick he saw?! We ended up ending it and after a few months, when we could both be honest without fear of repercussions, I asked him why the roving eye. He said that I stopped trying. I didn’t make him feel sexy or wanted. I didn’t flirt with him and give him naughty glances and say sexy things under my breath. He became… normal to me. Like putting on socks with my running shoes. Just something you do. It wasn’t exciting anymore.
But remember the first time you put those brand new running shoes on and what a total thrill it was? Same thing… kind of. Like getting all of that coveted china for your wedding, then never using it. Like putting your treasured diamond necklace in a safety deposit box for safe keeping. Why have it if you don’t use it. Any night, day, even breakfast can be a special occasion. If you make it one. I know, sexy lingerie isn’t as comfortable as cotton panties. Well having a lackluster relationship is worse. Believe me. It’s time to try… If you need to read “Fifty Shade of Grey” to get you in the mood do it (it helps)!
AND, GUYS…. RECIPROCATE THE EFFORT PLEASE xx
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