As a marriage counselor with a private practice in Westminster, Colorado I get a lot of calls from people looking for marriage counseling. As you can imagine, I get a lot of unique stories from people shopping around for a marriage counselor. I got one call from a woman about a year ago that I can still remember. She called and asked me if I “fix spouses”. I didn’t quite understand the question. It sort of sounded like a trap.
“What do you mean by do I fix spouses” I asked.
“I need someone to fix my husband because my marriage isn’t working and he’s not doing anything to help me feel any better in my marriage” She responded.
Still a little confused I replied. “uuhhhh, I’m sorry but I still don’t think I get what you’re asking. Are you asking me to fix your husband, only? Or do you want me to help fix your marriage?”
Now she sounded confused. There was a short delay before she answered “well, fixing my husband will fix my marriage won’t it? So I want marriage counseling to fix my husband”.
“Aaah, I think I see now. You would like marriage counseling for your husband who is the cause of your marital problems?”
“Well, I’m not sure I’ll be able to help you then.” I heard her sigh under her breath on the other line. “When I work with couples, I insist on working with both partners. I insist on this because marital problems are rarely because of just one of the partners. Both partners usually play a part and contribute to the difficulties. Even if one of the partners only contributes a fraction, they still contribute. So the couple is benefitted most when both partners come in to therapy”.
Continue reading here, and check out our blog for more great articles.
This article was originally published at
. Reprinted with permission from the author.