Defensive Facebooking. That’s what I called it after my ex and I broke up, and I’d have my friends post pictures our fabulous night in which I was looking fabulous, at a fabulous bar, surrounded by fabulous men. Then I’d cross my fingers that he’d see it and hope to get 187 million likes. In my mind I was getting revenge, but staying classy. Not a break up crazy at all.
It’s not something I’m particularly proud of.
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But I know I’m not alone in such passive aggressive ex revenge. After a friend’s break up, I’ll notice an influx of beautiful photos or random, empowering song lyrics posted on her wall. We all know the goal. That he sees it, realizes he made the biggest mistake of his life, and shows up with flowers, wine, and Ryan Gosling abs.
We all respond to break ups in different ways. It’s just knowing where to draw that line between kinda break up crazy and oh-dear-god-hide-the-gasoline crazy.
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While I’ve had my own break up crazy incidents that I definitely won’t admit on the Internet, this time around I at least one made landmark improvement. I stopped myself from self destructive reactions, which can be such a setback in moving on. In the past six months since we’ve broken up, I haven’t reached out to my ex at all. And it’s certainly not out of pride. (I left that in college.) It’s out of self-preservation. I’ve come very close to hitting the send button to call him. But then I’d ask myself, “How would this benefit me? He is still the same person. And he’s probably going to hurt me again, even in a ten minute phone call.” Then I’d go pour myself a glass of wine. And maybe or maybe not cry.