You aren't living until you've tried these.
1. Sex after abstaining
Some things are worth waiting for, including mindblowing sex. While the qualifications for incredible intimacy vary, for many new couples, the waiting period is often dependent upon having gone on “x” number of dates, having been together for a certain length of time, or having fallen hopelessly in love.
Equally wait-worthy: holding out for sex once you’ve started sleeping together, as Mike, knows:
“I was going out with a girl and knew that we’d get better in bed with time — and we did. At first, we were all elbows and over-thinking. I knew she wasn't letting herself go. But slowly, we fell into stride and things were amazing. Most guys don't realize that much of a woman's sexual pleasure comes in having a strong comfort level with her man.”
While temporary abstinence isn’t for everyone, there are benefits to holding off on all out intercourse. Comfort is key for both partners in having phenomenal sex, and this is often based on familiarity, how good you feel about the relationship, and whether or not you hold the same sexual values.
Furthermore, stoking the flames of your libidinal desires for a prolonged period of time can make for even hotter action when the two of you finally do decide to go all the way. Couples just have to make sure that they’re on the same page with this type of sex, which can only be done through intimate discussions, where you share what sex means to you and the role you want it to play in your relationship.
This is especially important in making sure that a partner doesn’t misread a lack of sex for a lack of interest because, for most, this is certainly not the case. There are simply lovers who believe the tortoise does win the race when it comes to sexual relationship success.
Waiting for great sex is not always easy, but good things do come to those who wait. A little bit of patience can make for major rewards, allowing you to focus on other intimate joys (aka coping mechanisms, like erotic massages or oral sex) until you’re ready for fireworks that will have you both hungering for more.
2. Kiss and make-up sex
Nothing gets you in the mood like a good fight. That’s right — when you argue, your pulse soars, making you feel warmer, charged, and more alive. While not an ideal form of foreplay, the best part about fighting with your partner is, hands down, the makeup sex. It is unquestionably the sweetest way to end your argument and keep your relationship in perspective, helping you to appreciate what you have to lose.
“I find it very healing,” shares Stella. “It tends to be really good and more passionate. Make-up sex reinforces our love and need for each other and why we’re staying together, trying to make things work out no matter what. When I’m back in his arms after a heated argument, I feel safe and a huge sense of relief.”
With lovers’ guards down, make-up sex can be some of the most lustful loving ever known. In fact, some people, like Aaron, have intentionally sought out such sex for its aphrodisiac qualities — it’s that good:
“I was dating this woman whom I would intentionally piss off so that when we had make-up sex she would get out of her head and have unbridled fun. For example, if we were in the kitchen, I would start complaining that she didn't know how to cook. Even though she was an aspiring Donna Reed, I’d intentionally start riding her about not being a world class chef. I knew it pressed her buttons. This would inevitably lead to her trying to one-up me. These little arguments over frivolous things created great sexual tension.”
Few would argue that make-up sex isn’t necessary, if not downright hot, in getting back to a better place after a fight. The trick can be, though, how to initiate it. If you’re the one who has been wronged or upset during a spat, you’ve got it easy — you can just march over to your lover and state, “I forgive you,” before going in for a smooch.
If you’re the person in trouble, however, you’ve got your work cut out for you. So in expressing your “I’m sorry,” be sure to buy flowers for your love with a thoughtful card, or send an email or IM the next time you know your love is online, acknowledging you’re a dolt and asking if there’s any way you can make it up in bed.
You can also simply take her hand, kiss it, and ask for forgiveness. You can rub his shoulders, kiss the top of his head, and ask him if you can just get past this. Basically, think about how you can charm your way back into your love’s good graces. And more than anything, don’t try to push matters. Your partner’s anger will wear off eventually, but will have to run its course — you can’t force making things okay again, including doing that with a roll in the hay.
3. Only give or receive sex
'Tis better to give than to receive is more than just a cliché. Many lovers thrive off of the one-way gesture, where one partner pleases the other to no end, getting nothing in return, for the mere fact that it is nothing but nice. The one-way is among the easiest ways to shake things up and show your partner how much you appreciate him, how much you love her, and how much you really value the other’s pleasuring and happiness, as was the case for Adele:
“The love of my life is amazing to me in so many ways — kind, generous, and selfless. So I decided to surprise him one night at 4:23 AM by slipping into a very sexy new piece of lingerie. I lit a few candles, rubbed my hands with a lotion he loves, and began my THANK YOU using only touch and no words. It was a very erotic experience for both of us, and a way to show him that I enjoy pleasing as much as I enjoy being pleased!”
To make sure that your partner doesn’t feel guilty and attempt to return the favor, let him know that this moment is all about him. Tell her that she can show her gratitude at a later date. Stress that this is all about your love’s pleasure and nothing else, and if you’re the receiver, relax and enjoy it!
While it can be difficult being the sole focus of attention, especially in that it can make you feel vulnerable, you must allow yourself to surrender to the sensations being lavished upon you. It is as important to be a good receiver as it is to be a giver. We get a lot out of doting on our lovers, fulfilling their every need and pleasure.
After all, the one-way helps you to totally tune into your partner, breeding generosity and taking your intimacy to a higher level. The action is no longer about “me” and what can “I” get out of this, but is about selflessly loving the other, even when you’re too tired to be intimate, want something low key, or not in the mood. Ultimately, it’s a gesture with many happy returns.
4. Sex where you attempt something that might not work
A gravity-defying sexual position gone wrong, a homemade sex toy turned emergency room visit, a not-so-clever quickie in cramped quarters, a “spreadable” edible that leaves you feeling more sickly than sexy... What drives lovers to try maneuvers and enhancements which may not necessarily work?
Quite simply, even if it’s disastrous, it’s fun. Couples with good energy can have a ball experimenting and exploring, even if you end up with nothing more than a fond memory and a big mess.
While many “sexcapades” may not be worth repeating, lovers continue to pursue quests for better, more enticing, more stimulating sex. Why? Sex gone wrong can actually help a couple to bond. Plus, a partner who can roll with the punches and still come back for more is very attractive.
Who doesn’t love an open-minded lover on an endless expedition for sexual gratification in all of its forms?
This article was originally published at Sinclair Institute . Reprinted with permission from the author.