Dealing With The Inconsistent Orgasm


Dealing With The Inconsistent Orgasm

PUBLISHED BY: Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, PhD.

Contrary to popular belief, humans simply cannot experience orgasm every time they’re sexually active. Male or female, you would be hard pressed to find the person for whom this happens. Yet the desire to have an orgasm more times than not is understandable, and realizing such has become a quest for many. Factors that lend themselves to a man or woman not experiencing climax on a consistent basis include:

More from YourTango: Can Role Playing Lead To A More Satisfying Relationship?

• Psychological issues, such as obsessive/compulsive personality
• Interpersonal factors in the relationship
• Various fears
• Performance anxiety
• Drug/alcohol abuse
• Medications, including her birth control pill
• Nerve disorders
• A rigid, sexually repressive upbringing
• Childhood sexual abuse
• Shaming experiences related to one’s sexuality
• Ignorance about the body and sex
• Lack of trust
• Fear of intimacy
• Inability to let go
• Unskilled lover
• Insufficient mental arousal
• Sexual ignorance
• Poor communication skills with partner

Guy or gal, in investigating possible physical reasons for your lack of “O” at times, you should get a thorough physical exam and talk to your doctor about any possible physiological issues at play.

If any of the aforementioned psychological/emotional reasons struck a chord with you, then you may also want to work with a certified sex therapist to carefully review your sexual and psychological history. A therapist will work with you in pinpointing blocks; in reframing eroticism so it’s something more easily embraced; in coming to terms with any issues in your current sexual relationship; and strategizing ways to enhance your relationship. Body coaching may also be utilized if you need to learn to masturbate, feel better about your sexual self, or become more in-the-know about your sexual response.

As far as things you can do immediately and on your own in encouraging a more consistent climax, evaluate the circumstances that led to the orgasm(s) when you’ve had one. Was there some sort of specific stimulation involved, e.g., a certain technique used on your major erogenous zones? Was there a type of enhancement that turned you on, e.g., erotica? Did you have some sort of fantasy that got you going? Was there something about the dynamic between you and your partner during foreplay or in the days/hours leading up to sex that allowed you to let go?

If there seems to be a recipe for your orgasmic response, try to recreate such, exploring even more of your orgasmic potential during self-pleasuring. You may also want to consider incorporating a vibrator, using it on your hot spots during sex and/or having your partner perform oral sex on you prior to penetration, as research has found that those who are more exploratory, as in use erotica and sex toys, also tend to be more orgasmic.

More from YourTango: The Better Sex® 6 Step Program to Ignite your Sex Life!

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:
The Best Sex Position For Females To Orgasm [VIDEO]
Advice: My Girlfriend Has A Fear Of Sex [VIDEO]
The Female Happy Ending

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Sinclair Institute


Sinclair Institute

Better Relationships, Better Sex

Location: Hillsborough, NC
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Sinclair Institute:

Can Role Playing Lead To A More Satisfying Relationship?


We love our partners, but let's face it, after a while we start having fantasies of being a naughty nurse, hunky firefighter, or even Anastasia Steele. Sometimes we just want more excitement between the sheets—and role playing can do just that. Why role playing can benefit your relationship: 1. It builds a greater connection between partners. ... Read more

What If I Call Out The Wrong Name During Sex?


In a moment of passion with your partner, have you ever had the urge to call out the name of someone else? Are you worried that this will hurt the trust in your relationship? If so, help is on the way. In this video, sex therapist and YourTango Expert Dr. Lori Buckley of the Sinclair Institute says that your concern may be the thing that hurts your sex ... Read more

Do My Rape Fantasies Make Me A Weirdo?


Do you have sexual fantasies that involve rape? Are you worried if this is normal or not? If so, help is on the way. In this video, sex therapist and YourTango Expert Dr. Lori Buckley of the Sinclair Institute says that, in fact, it's a very common fantasy for women. "Women have many fantasies that they would never ever want to have happen," ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts

How to Get Over Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Recognize "Stinkin Thinkin" that leads to depression and turn it into positive action and success.


Why Breakups Hurt

Breakups hurt us even when there is no love lost.


Why Do Men Hide Their Emotions?

The emotional processing in the male and female brain is not the same....

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>