Often men are accused of having sex as their number one priority in relationship. Most men will want to leave a relationship because they no longer share hobbies or have fun with their wives or girlfriends which is contrary to some woman’s beliefs that men leave due mostly to sexual issues. This is where the focus is 100% on maintaining the couples’ satisfaction which sets the tone of the family’s overall sense of happiness and stability. This is where couples role model gender identity, how loving partners treat one another and overall sets the course as a blueprint for child(rens) lives.
“Us” maintenance is the focus on the kids. There is where regular family outings are scheduled in addition to family down time which include movie nights, game time or some indoor activity. This includes when the couple plans goals for the children and discuss parenting issues among themselves. This is the time to increase parent/child bonding and forge many wonderful family memories. You are probably more familiar with being caught up in the ideals you brought from your family upbringing. You picture what a husband should be or do, or a wife. You look at your marriage and family and feel it pales in comparison to your ideals. You find yourself barely having time to go to the bathroom while you rush kids to school or soccer practice then rush home to make dinner, have them complete homework and start all over again the next day after falling exhausted in bed without energy left to be intimate with your partner (or some similar version).
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Very few couples today schedule time to rejuvenate, time to grow their relationship or build quality relationships with their children. Couples resort to answering whetever competing demand screams loudly enough for the moment to spur them into action. Furthermore, in the midst of these demands, couples’ harbor ideals of marriage and parenthood that are unrealistic.
The way out of feelings of insanity is to schedule “Me” “We” and “Us” time just like a business. Each day of the month, fixed schedules from each family member is listed on the calendar with the variable “Me” “We” and “Us” time added in that is tailor made for your family.
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Sheryl E. Woodhouse LMFT is a licensed marriage family therapist in Mission Viejo CA. She works with individuals, couples and families to help restore balance in varied situations. You can contact her by Google: Sheryl Woodhouse or www.sewseeds4familyhealing.com.