Engaged & Terrified: What Your Fear Is All About


Why pre-wedding anxiety may mean your fiance is perfect for you after all.

Similarly, many people carry a rescue fantasy that says, "When I meet the right person, I will be so happy and alive that I'll be lifted out of my anxiety and misery." I've written extensively about this misguided belief — and devoted Lesson 7 of the E-Course to it — because it's so fundamental to so many people's belief systems, and is a primary reason why they leave perfectly good relationships. Put differently, the belief is that someone else would make you happier. Engaged & Thinking About Your Ex?

I'll say this clearly and bluntly: holding on to this belief prevents you from taking full responsibility for your pain and joy. Again, it ascribes the terror onto your partner instead of recognizing that this terror is old, it's yours, it has nothing to do with your partner, and you'd be feeling it no matter who you married.


If you're going to work through the terror, you must recognize that it has nothing to do with your partner. It's not his fault, it's not here because you're with the wrong person, and it won't go away if you walk away from the relationship. Ask yourself honestly: how long have you struggled with anxiety? If you're like most of my clients, you've struggled with it for years. Living With The 'Grass Is Always Greener' Syndrome?

Anxiety is a gift. It's an opportunity to address deep-seated belief systems that are no longer serving you and an invitation to learn how to connect with a source of higher guidance. The fear says, "Run!" or "Love isn't safe" or "He'll leave me" or "She'll smother me." Something wise in you is saying, "Deal with me now! You're finally with someone safe and loving who's not going to run away from your anxiety. Within this safe space, you can fall apart and learn how to put yourself back together again in a healthy way." That something might just be called love. Which voice will you listen to?

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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