What is your communication style?
Regardless of how long you have been dating or interacting with the opposite gender you will have learned a couple of basic truths. The first one is that men lie in relationships and the second is that women often create the situations that leave men feeling that they have no option but to lie. These communication traps are stressful for both people in the relationship so breaking the cycle is essential to real, meaningful exchanges of information.
In reality the communication styles and ways that men and women respond to questions and comments is at the heart of this issue in relationships. Women tend to communicate to elicit emotional reactions and feedback and men are looking for facts and data. Guys tend to provide a concrete answer that is short and simple while women want impressions, feelings and ideas about the subject and are less excited about "just the facts ma'am" replies.
However, when women get mad when a guy responds with facts instead of emotions, guys just learn to give the answer they know you want to hear. This is usually a pat answer that really could apply to any situation. Other times guys may simply avoid the conversation and change the subject, pretend not to hear or answer with the shortest possible response. This is likely to create an angry retort on your part and contribute to the lack of communication.
Two communication traps need to be removed from your repertoire. These include two very specific forms of questioning that women use on an ongoing basis in a relationship and they include:
1. Gotcha questions – these are the impossible to answer questions because any answer he gives is going to be used against him. A good example of this type of question is, "Do you think she is prettier than me?" Even if he thinks she is he knows you don't want to hear it and if he says "no" then he will be admitting he was looking. So, despite the fact he was staring at the women he will likely respond with something like, "Who?"
2. Fishing For Compliments – guys are literal so if you want him to notice something new about you then ask him directly. Don't set him up with questions like "Do you notice anything different about me?" unless it is something obvious. If you are using a different shade of lipstick or if you want him to notice a new hairstyle ask about it specifically. Obviously questions such as "Does this dress make me look fat?" also fall into this category.
Not setting up communication traps for your guy will help him in having conversations with you that don't leave him wondering what the heck just happened.
Sherry Gaba LCSW, Psychotherapist, Life & Recovery Coach is featured Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Sherry is the author of “The Law of Sobriety” which uses the law of attraction to recover from any addiction. Please download your free E books at www.sherrygaba.com Contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking engagements. Listen to Sherry on “A Moment of Change with Sherry Gaba”on CBS Radio. Are you a Love Addict? Take Sherry's quiz for a free eBook Filling the Empty Heart: 5 Keys to Transforming Love Addiction. Stop Attracting Damaged Relationships - Get the Love You Truly Deserve! Free Coaching Session http://www.sherrygaba.com/offers/group