Getting out of a relationship with a healthy, safe & mutually respectful breakup requires planning!
Sherry Gaba LCSW, Psychotherapist, Life & Recovery Coach is featured Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Sherry is the author of "The Law of Sobriety" which uses the law of attraction to recover from any addiction. Please download your free E books at www.sherrygaba.com. Contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking engagements. Listen to Sherry on "A Moment of Change with Sherry Gaba" on CBS Radio. Struggling with your own love junkie dramas? You're not alone. Join my free newsletter community to get the support you need to stop the madness before it affects your next relationship or the one you are in now. - Get the Love You Truly Deserve!
There are lots of reasons why people choose to stay in relationships and just as many reasons why people choose to get out of them. Getting out of a relationship is often more difficult than getting into it, which tends to create problems, unhappiness and even possible risk. Often men and women get into relationships thinking the other person is reasonable, loving and safe only to find out they have attracted someone that is demanding, controlling and obsessive.
Getting out of a relationship with a healthy, safe and mutually respectful breakup typically requires advanced planning. In most situations and with reasonable partners planning a time to have a discussion about the breakup is all that is required. When you are dealing with a person that is controlling, potentially or already abusive or someone that is emotionally volatile there are some essential factors to keep in mind. By following the tips listed below you can provide both physical and emotional safety during the breakup discussion and avoid putting yourself in a possibly unsafe situation.
Tip 1 – Choose your time
It is a good idea to select a time when you are calm and the other person is also in a good emotional state. It is never a good idea to talk about a breakup during a heated argument or when you are already upset, frustrated or stressed. By ensuring that you aren't having the discussion during these types of emotional states you can clearly articulate your message and avoid escalating a potentially problematic situation.
Tip 2 – Choose your location
If you are in a relationship that has had issues with intense arguments or any type of physical abuse you need to ensure that you are in a public place when you have any discussion about a breakup. Choose a place that allows you to have control of the environment. Don't have this discussion in either your place or their house or apartment where you may be unable to leave. You may also want to consider having someone in the same place that you trust; although not involved in the actual conversation. A public venue such as a restaurant or a coffee shop is a good option.
Although it might be tempting to have the conversation in a lounge or a bar, mixing alcohol with difficult conversations is never a good idea. Not only could it limit the other person's control but it may influence how strong you are in your resolve to have the conversation and be safety cautious before, during and after the meeting.
Tip 3 – Plan it out
Plan out your breakup speech and consider your choice of words and reasons based on how you know the other person will respond. It is better to have a minimally stressful breakup and share only some of the reasons you want out than bare your soul and create high levels of conflict, denial and defensive behaviors on their part.
Planning out your message also allows you to think about what they are likely to do and say and come up with an advanced mental plan of how to handle these arguments. The more prepared you are for their reaction the more in control you can remain in the situation.