Do you have major communication blocks that are potholes for emotional and physical intimacy? Or maybe the road conditions that are keeping your relationship from a smooth ride are those nasty hairpin turns of expectation, insecurities and fear.
To get out of the ditches focus your attention on the fact that your relationship is not about "you" or "him" but instead it's about being a couple and understanding what it takes to create lasting love.
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Have you read The Six Secrets of a Lasting Relationship? You’ll learn the secrets are simple but powerful:
Enjoyment: if your relationship joy is gone here are some tips to get it back: do something unpredictable and fun like playing hooky and goofing off together, avoid ruts, go dancing, develop appreciation. Basically take delight in each other. Couples that enjoy each other love to spend time together whether engaging in activity or sitting quietly reading.
Acceptance: make your partner feel accepted and loved by giving generous appreciation for all they are. True acceptance is opening your heart and accepting your partner’s as they are - no exceptions. It's the closest thing to unconditional love we have. Then take it to the next level and look for qualities you admire and acknowledge what they may have sacrificed to build those qualities. Lastly, acknowledge your partners positive traits.
Trust: trust implies faith and confidence. You have faith that your partner will act in ways to uphold what matters to you. They won't turn on you or let you down and they'll keep their promises. Being able to trust your partner speaks to our core need for safety. To build more trust, tell each other secrets you haven't told anyone else. Risky? Possibly, but generally when couples open up to each other it brings them closer than ever imagined.
Respect: is the cornerstone for all relationships - mutual respect makes us feel good about ourselves. We all want to be held in esteem by our partners and made to feel special. And respect for each other breeds self-respect. If respect is waning in your relationship here are a few things you can do: become more reliable, say what you mean, and mean what you say, stand in your truth, be of service to others, stop complaining about the same things, be on time.
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Empathy: when you can step away from your point of view to honestly ask, "Wow, what is this like for them," you are offering true empathy. It's judgment free. The most important time to use empathy is when you and your man are at odds - you may be angry but if you can stop and reflect and ask yourself, "If I say what I'm about to say, how will it make my partner feel?" What a powerful place to be - you can choose to vent angrily or create peace.
Chemistry: ideally the “gotta have you,” hot and heavy initial phase rolls into a mature love where the chemistry involves a mental and emotional bond. A lack of respect, trust, enjoyment, acceptance, and empathy can kill chemistry. It all works together.