10 Hidden Ways An Ex Stays Embedded In Our Lives

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stuck together
An expert list of the subtle ways we stay intertwined with an ex.

5) You have co-mingled accounts — I've not only heard clients say this, at one point I even said it myself: "Oh, it doesn't really matter that we aren't legally divorced yet — we both know we're done and have moved on." Wrong. It does matter. It's closure on another level, one that officially marks an end to one part of your life and endorses a new beginning. 5 Ways To Make Your Marriage More Important Than Money

Make the time, do the paperwork, get legally divorced. Believe me, you will feel different when you hold those papers in your hand. It may have made financial sense to be on the same calling plan when you were a couple, but saving $35 per month isn't financial saavy, it's a way to keep connection with your ex.

We're financially bound. Shared mortgages, joint debts and investments, income tax return and vehicle payments — having the ex involved in financial matters keeps his/her presence alive in your mind and life. Worst still, things could turn stressful if he doesn't do his part in meeting financial obligations. Take the steps now to divide and clean up the mess as best as possible; autonomy means financial autonomy, too.

6) Asking for advice or help — If the only person you can think of to solve a problem or move a heavy box is your ex, you may be looking for ways to stay connected. Google is a modern day miracle for answers to even the most complex problems, and if a box is heavy or furniture needs to be moved, there are other people who could help. 10 Tips For Surviving A Breakup

7) Keeping old photos — Do you still have pictures of the two of you displayed in your home or on your computer screensaver? Pictures stimulate desire and tug at your heart, causing you to reminisce about what was and could have been. They may cause you to weaken and reach out or keep you emotionally tied to the past. If you want to move forward, get rid of them pronto!

8) Visiting places you know your ex visits — If you find yourself frequenting those old familiar places or continually driving by to see if their car is in the parking lot, you may need to break-up with your ex. Finding new hang outs is a good way to meet new people. It's also a considerate gesture to spare your ex the discomfort of someday running into you once you're with somebody new.

9) Refusing to cooperate amicably with details of separation — Withholding items or refusing to cooperate amicably with details of separation can be a great way to stay in touch. Sometimes negative communication feels better than no communication and may be a way to fool yourself into believing you're over your ex, when maybe you're being obstinate because the truth is, you're not. 

10) Living in the same house — Whatever the reasons, from financial convenience, to kids, to legal headaches, when someone is still living in the same house with their ex, it's time for a breakup8 Signs You Need To Break Up With Your Ex

If you are engaging in any of these activities you may now have a better understanding of why you are still intertwined with your ex. There's no better time than today to master your mind and make a commitment to step out of stuck!

Article contributed by
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Sherri Nickols

Relationship Coach

Sherri Nickols

Sexy and Sparkling after 40 launched in April!

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Faith Deeter, MFT

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Faith Deeter, MFT

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