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Why am I still single?

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Why you are still single? Maybe your dating expectations are unrealistic!

Stop right now if you are not prepared to hear the truth, this post is not sugar coated. For those of you still with me: have you ever thought “I’m such a great catch, I don’t understand why I am alone”? You blame everyone and everything but have you ever thought YOU might be the person holding yourself back from finding a great partner. From personal observation as a matchmaker and coach I can tell you the biggest obstacle is UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS! 

The younger age group (first timers) are generally more open minded, less judgmental and carry way less baggage into their search. When they are ready to get married and have a family they are pretty openminded.  Considering they have a much bigger playing field already it is no wonder these matches are often easier to complete. The older generation (second timers) 40`s plus who tend to be more unrealistic. They completely forget their playing field is now drastically smaller than in their 20`s or 30`s and their wish list has become so extensive and unrealistic I doubt anyone can live up to those expectations, at any age.

Here are a few obstacles to look at::

The top requirements I get from men is young, hot, slim and extremely attractive, no matter what they look like themselves. Just in case you think you are the only man who thinks he is younger looking and more energetic than everyone else, “I have never had a male client over 40 not tell me that, ever!” Everyone eventually gets older no matter what you do and beauty can get really ugly if she treats you like a doormat and you have nothing in common. Keep in mind hot is often closely related to selfish, demanding and crazy. Ever see a woman like that with a 50 year old cab driver? I think not! The only reason they will date older is for power, status and money and they will eventually leave or cheat with (surprise, surprise) a younger man. If you are looking for short term go for it, but keep in mind either way you will be the one paying and paying even after she is gone. Word to the wise: An attractive young intelligent woman wants to date and marry an attractive young man she can raise beautiful babies with especially if she has her own career and money. How do I know? Because I work for them all the time, I hear it first hand. "They do not want to date someone that reminds them of their daddy", at least not long term. Check your ego at the door, it's not doing you any good! 

 

The top requirement I get from women is tall (6`plus). I have dated many tall men well over 6″ and trust me height is no guarantee of a good man. A lot of them have never had to learn how to be kind, considerate and respectful because there is and always will be a line up out the door for them. Considering the average height for a man in North America is 5’9″ and less than 30% of all men in North America are over 6″, look at all the men you are eliminating, probably a lot of the great ones!

They won’t travel further than 1/2 hour away to meet someone, seriously? If they were your neighbour you probably would have met them already. Some of the best matches I have made consisted of someone traveling well over 4 or 5 hours away. Matchmakers often match people all over the world, but these people are open and interested in finding the right match not the right address. Keep in mind if you start out living a distance apart you must be able to date relatively easy and long distance relationships do not last long term, you must be prepared to move together at some point to maintain the relationship.

Most people expect to know Chemistry ( what they perceive as love) in one date. Not everyone falls in love or even lust at first sight! It is a long known observation that the best relationships blossom from a deep friendship. It is also often a fact that the faster the combustion the faster the relationship fizzles. When a relationship grows from a spark and is fueled by friendship, compatibility and overcoming obstacles together the deeper the bond. Keep in mind not everyone wants a lasting relationship (subconsciously) they just enjoy the excitement of a new conquest. They have no intention on finding or keeping a permanent relationship even if they say they do. Sorry to blow this fallacy but some people lie! I told you, no sugar coating here!

They limit their selection to Caucasian only and often they themselves are not Caucasian but they won’t even consider dating within their own nationality. Before I started my business I had no idea how many people have this mindset and it is a huge reason a lot of people are alone (discrimination is limiting, no what what your nationality).

They put financial expectations ahead of personality traits and compatibility. Money cannot buy you Happiness! Look at the Kardashian or celebrity marriages?

I can go on and on but I think you get the point. It is amazing how many people expect that everyone will be open minded about them but they will not be open minded themselves. They believe there is someone out there that is perfect and they will never have to do any work to make the relationship work, that is just not reality! It’s a nice fantasy to believe that love is all you need but the reality is any relationship takes an effort on both sides in order to grow and last. Sorry!

I have been fortunate enough to find great matches for many happy clients but the best way to help yourself is to be completely honest about the things you really do need in a partnership. The bottom line is we all want to be loved, respected and appreciated by our partners and to be able to enjoy each others company. Matchmakers do not have a magic wand, contrary to popular belief they cannot pull Mr. or Mrs. Perfect list out of a hat, but they can assist you in finding a great match, if you work with them and are open minded. Even if you don’t use a Matchmaker you would be well advised to seriously assess your wish list and stick to what you really need to be happy!

Yes the playing field is much smaller for second timers but it is possible to find someone and have a happy, healthy, lasting relationship. I guarantee if you are a little more open minded and limit your expectations to what really matters you will find someone that is a good possible match. Best of luck, please keep in mind, No one is Perfect including you and me! 

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