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Shela Dean (JD)

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Phone 804.332.5323

Fax: sheladean1

Articles

When Differences Become Irreconcilable

I was cruisin’ the home page of Your Tango and read the retrospective on the turbulent relationship of Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn. I was reminded that CNN recently reported that divorce has a permanently bad affect on your mental and physical health. In my case, NOT getting a divorce would have been bad for my ...

Keep Your Guy By Letting Him Sleep Around!?!!

Negotiated infidelity. That’s the subject of “Sugarbabe” by Holly Hill, an Australian former mistress turned author. Her premise: keep your guy faithful to your relationship by letting him be unfaithful to you. Hmmmm . . . Call me old fashioned. Call me narrow-minded. But I’m not one teensy bit interested in ...

What You Don't Know Can Hurt You

There are plenty of so-called truisms out there, all designed to make us “okay” with things that aren’t “okay.” For example, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” We all know that’s baloney. Words can hurt like hell. And how about this one: “What you don’t know can’t hurt you.” ...

Can Type A and Type B Co-Exist?

One of the coolest things about being in a committed relationship is having someone to grow old with, someone with whom you share so many memories that sitting in the rockers on the porch won’t be boring at all, you’ll have so much to talk about. Equally as cool is how, if you open your mind and heart, your ...

Turn Everyday Events Into Intimacy Rituals

A good marriage has the attributes of friendship. There’s someone to zip your dress, give an opinion about what tie goes with the jacket, get aspirin for your headache, or laugh at your jokes. Good stuff. But what sustains a marriage and makes it GREAT is Emotional Intimacy. That’s what makes living together on a ...

MY RECENT COMMENTS

The fact is, both spouses can act like they did when they were engaged, i.e., both can continue to emotionally seduce each other through the same type of emotional foreplay in which they engaged while dating. In my recent article here on YourTango, I said, "Dating is to marriage what foreplay is to sex." When we are dating and engaged, we intuitively understand that if we want this amazing person to love and want us, that we need to engage in everyday emotional foreplay. Unfortunately, we subconsciously think that just as foreplay is no longer necessary once sex has occurred, emotional foreplay is no longer necessary once we've sealed the deal with wedding rings and courtship has been successful. Successful relationships (such as the one you and your husband have) result when both partners continue the emotional seduction because they understand that marriage is not irrevocable but is a choice we make every day. If we want our partner to continue to choose to be with us, we need to do the things that support that choice. You are right, BookMama, that it's impossible to sustain the level of excitement we experience when dating (in part because so much of that feeling is induced by hormones our brain secretes only in the beginning of our relationship) but that we can indeed experience a far more profound and lasting love. When both partners remember to do those things that make each other feel cherished, loved, and supported (what I call emotional foreplay), the relationship flourishes. No matter what, we all make mistakes because, as you've so accurately pointed out, we are less than perfect. You can read my article here: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/shela-dean/how-seduce-your-partner-every-day

Posted on: Why Powerful Men Cheat

It's easy for con men to con people who are trusting and honest. Lie about having cancer!?!! Really???? Who would do that? We learn from all our relationships (or at least we should) but some lessons are "bigger" than others. Susan, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm certain it will help others learn from you and avoid learning the hard way.

Posted on: My Boyfriend Emptied My Bank Account

I suppose it's human nature to want to couple up with someone as physically attractive as possible. But I'd sure like to see people value inner-beauty more and outer beauty less. One of the most passionate relationships I ever had was with a man I initially found unattractive. But after getting to know him, see how smart, clever, and funny he is, I couldn't get enough of him. The relationship ended but it was because our timing was off, not our chemistry.

Posted on: Are Ugly And Beautiful Dating Sites A Good Idea?

One of the major impediments to civil discourse (with emphasis on civil) and discussion that can educate everyone involved is making differences of opinion matters of right and wrong. Somewhere in your diatribe you may have made some valid points and you had the opportunity to open the door to intelligent discussion. But your personal attack on Ms. Johnson is inappropriate. You are entitled to your opinions and points of view. You may even be entitled to express them in such a hateful way but no one is listening as a result.

Posted on: Six-Pack Abs Versus The Beer Belly

My guy wears pleated Khakis and turtle necks and I think he looks GREAT in both. With you on all the rest and would add tank tops to the list. Ugh! Those are especially ugly if he's hairy!!!!

Posted on: First Date Advice: 5 Things Men Shouldn't Wear

Shela Dean

Quick Stats

Credentials:

JD

Time in Practice:

6-10 years

I practice in:

All areas, please inquire

Additional Expertise:

Relationship Coach

Speaker/Presenter

YourTango Expert Partner

I offer my services:

At my office

Telephone

By Email

Willing To Meet in Public Locations like Starbucks (please inquire)

Via Skype

Via a webcam

Licence information:

Expiration 12/31/12
Number 83245

Books I Recommend:

frequent foreplay miles, Your Ticket To Total Intimacy

You Unstuck: Mastering the New Rules of Risk-Taking at Work and in Life

Articles by Shela Dean

When Differences Become Irreconcilable

I was cruisin’ the home page of Your Tango and read the retrospective on the turbulent ...

Keep Your Guy By Letting Him Sleep Around!?!!

Negotiated infidelity. That’s the subject of “Sugarbabe” by Holly Hill, an Australian former ...

What You Don't Know Can Hurt You

There are plenty of so-called truisms out there, all designed to make us “okay” with things that ...

Can Type A and Type B Co-Exist?

One of the coolest things about being in a committed relationship is having someone to grow old ...

Turn Everyday Events Into Intimacy Rituals

A good marriage has the attributes of friendship. There’s someone to zip your dress, give an ...

Check Out My New Book

frequent foreplay miles, Your Ticket To Total Intimacy

Want more WOW in your relationship-in and out ...

By Shela Dean

Shela Dean

All Specialties

Couples/Marital Issues