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Shela Dean (JD)

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Phone 804.332.5323

Fax: sheladean1

Articles

How to Seduce Your Partner Every Day

“Dating” is to marriage what “foreplay” is to sex. Dating is the seduction phase of a relationship, the equivalent of the human mating dance where every move is designed to seduce the object of your adoration into loving and wanting you as a mate. In short, once the sparks begin to fly, ...

Date Night Won't Keep the Spark Alive

You’ve heard it said that familiarity breeds contempt. Taken literally, that means the better you know someone, the more contempt you’ll feel for that person. I dunno. I know my husband really, really well and I’m not contemptuous of him at all. I think, however, that in a relationship, ...

Respond to the Emotion, Not the Behavior

It was in grade school math that I learned about reducing fractions to their lowest common denominator. I hated math. Still do. “Reducing to the lowest common denominator,” however, is a great way of describing how we so often “sink” to the level of those with whom we are engaging. If ...

Kids Or Relationship First? It's A Non-Question

There’s a split among experts about whether the kids or the relationship should come first. Frankly, I think putting your relationship first is putting your kids first. Why? Because if you want your children to grow up and have healthy, well-balanced relationships, a fulfilling sex-life, and a good sense ...

Avoid Complacency: 4 Tips on How to Date Your Mate

The enemy of a great relationship is complacency. It begins so innocently. You forget how attractive, funny or caring your honey is because you’re together all the time. You get wrapped up in your “stuff” and forget to do the little, day-to-day things that make your sweetheart aware of your ...

MY RECENT COMMENTS

The fact is, both spouses can act like they did when they were engaged, i.e., both can continue to emotionally seduce each other through the same type of emotional foreplay in which they engaged while dating. In my recent article here on YourTango, I said, "Dating is to marriage what foreplay is to sex." When we are dating and engaged, we intuitively understand that if we want this amazing person to love and want us, that we need to engage in everyday emotional foreplay. Unfortunately, we subconsciously think that just as foreplay is no longer necessary once sex has occurred, emotional foreplay is no longer necessary once we've sealed the deal with wedding rings and courtship has been successful. Successful relationships (such as the one you and your husband have) result when both partners continue the emotional seduction because they understand that marriage is not irrevocable but is a choice we make every day. If we want our partner to continue to choose to be with us, we need to do the things that support that choice. You are right, BookMama, that it's impossible to sustain the level of excitement we experience when dating (in part because so much of that feeling is induced by hormones our brain secretes only in the beginning of our relationship) but that we can indeed experience a far more profound and lasting love. When both partners remember to do those things that make each other feel cherished, loved, and supported (what I call emotional foreplay), the relationship flourishes. No matter what, we all make mistakes because, as you've so accurately pointed out, we are less than perfect. You can read my article here: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/shela-dean/how-seduce-your-partner-every-day

Posted on: Why Powerful Men Cheat

It's easy for con men to con people who are trusting and honest. Lie about having cancer!?!! Really???? Who would do that? We learn from all our relationships (or at least we should) but some lessons are "bigger" than others. Susan, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm certain it will help others learn from you and avoid learning the hard way.

Posted on: My Boyfriend Emptied My Bank Account

I suppose it's human nature to want to couple up with someone as physically attractive as possible. But I'd sure like to see people value inner-beauty more and outer beauty less. One of the most passionate relationships I ever had was with a man I initially found unattractive. But after getting to know him, see how smart, clever, and funny he is, I couldn't get enough of him. The relationship ended but it was because our timing was off, not our chemistry.

Posted on: Are Ugly And Beautiful Dating Sites A Good Idea?

One of the major impediments to civil discourse (with emphasis on civil) and discussion that can educate everyone involved is making differences of opinion matters of right and wrong. Somewhere in your diatribe you may have made some valid points and you had the opportunity to open the door to intelligent discussion. But your personal attack on Ms. Johnson is inappropriate. You are entitled to your opinions and points of view. You may even be entitled to express them in such a hateful way but no one is listening as a result.

Posted on: Six-Pack Abs Versus The Beer Belly

My guy wears pleated Khakis and turtle necks and I think he looks GREAT in both. With you on all the rest and would add tank tops to the list. Ugh! Those are especially ugly if he's hairy!!!!

Posted on: First Date Advice: 5 Things Men Shouldn't Wear

Shela Dean

Quick Stats

Credentials:

JD

Time in Practice:

6-10 years

I practice in:

All areas, please inquire

Additional Expertise:

Relationship Coach

Speaker/Presenter

YourTango Expert Partner

I offer my services:

At my office

Telephone

By Email

Willing To Meet in Public Locations like Starbucks (please inquire)

Via Skype

Via a webcam

Licence information:

Expiration 12/31/12
Number 83245

Books I Recommend:

frequent foreplay miles, Your Ticket To Total Intimacy

You Unstuck: Mastering the New Rules of Risk-Taking at Work and in Life

Articles by Shela Dean

How to Seduce Your Partner Every Day

Dating while married means emotionally seducing your partner every day with emotional foreplay.

Date Night Won't Keep the Spark Alive

Date Night. It's not enough to overcome boredom and laziness or to keep the spark alive.

Respond to the Emotion, Not the Behavior

Mirroring your lover's bad behavior ends up in a stupid argument. Instead, respond to the behavior.

Kids Or Relationship First? It's A Non-Question

Kids learn from watching you. Love them more than you fear living the life you want for them.

Avoid Complacency: 4 Tips on How to Date Your Mate

The enemy of a committed relationship is complacency. The antidote: Dating!

Check Out My New Book

frequent foreplay miles, Your Ticket To Total Intimacy

Want more WOW in your relationship-in and out ...

By Shela Dean

Shela Dean

All Specialties

Couples/Marital Issues