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Need a Vacation? Have Sex


Tired of being told to have sex because it's good for you? Me, too. Have sex because it's fun!

Eat your broccoli. It’s good for you.

Take your cod liver oil. It’s good for you.

Exercise daily. It’s good for you.

Have sex. It’s good for you.

Huh? Broccoli, cod liver oil, exercise and sex are all in the same do-it-cuz-it’s-good-for-you category. Don’t you think that argument (and we’ve heard a lot of it lately) makes having sex sound like something you do while holding your nose? Something you have to do because it’s good for you? Imagine saying to your sweetheart, “Okay, had my daily dose of veggies, went for a run, took my vitamins and fish oil, so how ‘bout it, babe, ready for a roll in the day?” Yeah, that’ll stoke the fires. Not.

If the it’s-good-for-you argument really worked, we’d all be in great shape with a ‘frig full of fruits and veggies instead of a freezer full of Haagen Dazs ice cream. And we’d all be late to work if you know what I mean. No woman would ever again say, “Not tonight, honey, I have a headache.” Why? Because the mere act of hugging, kissing and engaging in any kind of sexual activity releases the our-good-friend hormone oxytocin. Yep, that’s the stuff in painkillers that’s so easy to become addicted to. We’d all be having rip-roaring romps in the hay, despite a headache, backache or pain in the neck—because it would be just what the doctor ordered!

We’d all have healthy hearts. If we had a daily dose of sex (like a daily dose of aspirin) the number of fatal heart attacks would drop dramatically because of all the increased circulation, exercise and stress relief benefits of sex.

We’d all be in great shape because having sex burns calories. Heck, you don’t even need a weight set or a jump rope for this one (unless you add a little creativity to the mix…!)

And, we’d all have a rosy, healthy glow.

When, I ask you, was the last time you had sex because it’s good for you? I never have. I don’t think of sex as a chore, something I have to do in order to stay healthy. I think of sex as a mini-vacation with my sweetheart, something to be enjoyed, a time for fun. It’s when we escape the job, the kids, the bills, the worrying, the dog…(just add your own list here and roll your eyes). Curling up in the arms of your sweetheart and feeling his or her breath on your ear—or his or her arms around you—there’s just nothing like it.

Look, I get it. I really do. We all let the demands of daily life get in the way. It’s easy for me to tell you to get a babysitter, schedule a date night, make time for yourselves. If it were as easy to put into action, however, we wouldn’t need Relationship Coaches or my book Frequent Foreplay Miles. Instead of thinking of having sex as something to do because it’s good for you, think of it as giving you more than the two-weeks vacation most of have every year. Take mini-vacations together in the bedroom. Taking the time to be IN the love that you work so hard to create, well, that’s the good stuff in life. It is the reward. Not making time for those simple loving moments says a lot more than you’re tired. Definitely something to think about.

Shela Dean is a Relationship Coach, Speaker and Amazon Bestselling Author of Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy.


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