3 Darned Good Reasons to Publicly Display Your Affection

Remember when Tom Cruise jumped on Oprah’s couch and proclaimed undying love for Katie Holmes? He took a lot of media heat for that (and a lot of people did the eye-roll thing) but odds are good that Tom got a whopping big bunch of points (or what I call Frequent Foreplay Miles) from Ms. Katie and, after all, isn’t that what really counts?

You’re not likely to find yourself on Oprah’s stage. But, like Tom, there are three good reasons why you should (appropriately, please) publicly display your affection for your sweetheart.

Number 1: PDAs announce to the world that you're a couple. They tell others to back off . . . you're taken.

Number 2: PDAs reinforce your mutual love, support, and loyalty.

Number 3: Most importantly, PDAs provide public validation of lovability.

When your honey curls an arm around your waist as you walk down the street, it’s like wearing a sandwich board that says, “Hey, look everybody! I’m loveable!” This bolsters your self-esteem and self-respect. Is there a better gift than that? I don’t think so.

PDAs don’t have to be Tom Cruise big and bold. A subtle gesture can be the most eloquent. For example, when Phil and Sherry, newly dating, unexpectedly came face-to-face with Phil’s ex-wife at a party, Phil calmly introduced Sherry to his former wife, put his arm around Sherry’s shoulder and then left it there until long after the ex had moved on. Phil delivered exactly the right message to both Sherry and his ex.

As Tom Cruise demonstrated, affection can be publicly displayed without touching and even when your sweetheart is nowhere to be seen:

Send flowers.
Display your sweetheart’s picture in your office.
Shout for joy when he slides into home base.
Wink at your sweetheart from across a crowded room.
Brag about your honey’s promotion.
Refill her wine glass at a dinner party.
Remain charming at his corporate event, no matter how boring it may be.
Send a fax with an arrow-pierced heart and your initials in the middle.

Opportunities for PDAs are limitless but what out for Reverse PDAs. Remember Phil and Sherry? If, instead of putting his arm around Sherry’s shoulder, Phil took a small step away from Sherry, he would have delivered a completely different message to both Sherry and the ex. That’s called a Reverse Public Display of Affection.

Reverse PDAs include:

Publicly criticizing your sweetheart.
Teasing or humor that makes your sweetie the butt of the joke or an object of ridicule.
Correcting or interrupting your sweetheart in public.
Getting drunk at his holiday office party or family gathering.
Flirting with her friends.
Failure to show your sweetie common courtesy.

Reverse PDAs add the insult of public humiliation to the injury of hurt. And they undermine your sweetheart’s self-respect and self-esteem.

Your relationship is visible to the world. Because it is a fact of human nature that we filter how we feel about ourselves through how others treat us, you are giving your sweetheart a priceless gift when your behavior makes your sweetheart feel the love and supports his or her self-esteem and self-respect.

Doing it publicly is the shiny ribbon on the package.

Shela Dean
Relationship Coach, Speaker & Author of Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy
http://www.ShelaDean.com
http://www.FrequentForeplayMiles.com