Nagging does not work. Find out what does.
We live in a world where most people feel under-valued, overworked, and disrespected on at least some level and you can use this fact to your distinct advantage where your love relationship is concerned. Nagging calls up negative emotions and ultimately busts up more relationships than porn or cheating ever could.
When you nag your partner it’s like constantly reminding him that he just can’t get it right. “You forgot to take out the garbage again? Why don’t you ever want to spend time with me? This is your third day in a row working late.”
No matter what you’re choosing to nag about the only thing she hears is – you just can’t get it right. In world that reminds us how wrong we are, more than anything we all want to get it right. At this stage in the game it doesn’t even matter what it is. We just want to feel as though we’re hitting some kind of invisible mark in the sky that lets us know “we’re winning at something “.
In my relationship recovery and resilience research I’ve found that the most emotionally intelligent people on the planet have a knack for making their loved ones always feel as though they are winning at something, even if they are losing in other areas.
For example if your boyfriend has not taken you out for a special night in a long time, it seems counter intuitive to thank him and express your gratitude for having such a sweet man to watch Netflix with every Friday night. However that’s exactly what you should do if you want to ensure that you end up at a great restaurant and live concert Saturday night!
I’ll explain why in a moment.
If your girlfriend has put on a few extra pounds and you find yourself missing the way she looked in her old jeans, the last thing you would naturally think about saying is, “You know what? Your curves are one of the best things about you and I want you to always look and feel your best!” No, the natural comment most people would want to make to encourage weight loss is , “Those jeans are ‘fittin’ a little snug. I thought you were going to start working out again?”
The problem with nagging is it shuts your loved one down emotionally, and then mentally, and eventually sexually… and total collapse of your relationship is not far behind.
I’m not suggesting that you pucker up and start kissing your partner’s rear 24-7. That’s just degrading and besides I don’t think we can ultimately respect or trust anyone who kisses our ass around the clock. I’m suggesting that you get into the habit of opening gateways to getting what you want in your relationship.
I don’t know of a man or woman walking the planet who would be inclined to do more for you when you’re not appreciative of what they’re already doing. On the flip side I’ve found that you can get more of what you want out of the people that love you when you remember there are two things that people never tire of; being thanked and being appreciated.
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