Robert Frost said it best in his famous quote, “I can sum life up in three words- IT GOES ON.” Unless you live under a rock or in a the world’s biggest bubble, a relationship, maybe an important one to you, has gone belly-up.
Maria left Arnold, J-Lo walked away from Mark-Anthony , and Jennifer dealt with the angst and upset of her very public divorce with Brad. Heartache, struggle, humiliation, sadness, rage, pain, defeat… and ultimately triumph are a part of the human condition. Avoiding the ups and downs that are a natural part of our relationships with friends, lovers, and family is like sailing on the ocean and demanding that the waves remain calm.
It’s simply impossible.
Last year a client came to see me due to chronic issues around stress and illness. I asked her about the state of her relationships. She said, “I do what I need to do to keep the peace . My husband’s demanding and verbally abusive, I’m the go to girl for all my family’s problem’s, and I have the same set of friends that I had in 5th grade. We work hard to be nice to one another so things work out. “
I didn’t need to hear much more. I knew her stress was the result of suppressing some strong feelings and emotions. Sometimes we need to rock the relationship boat. Often a slight case of sea sickness will be the result and other times somebody’s going overboard. It’s a simple fact of life. Everyone can’t stay on board or we wouldn’t have room for the other intended passengers waiting to join our crew.
I will never minimize the pain involved with severing ties, and if we accept our relationship ending as an inevitable part of life that we have ‘choice’ in managing, we can gain the leverage that we need to get over them.
About 7 years ago I found myself emotionally devastated by the end of a relationship. I would rather have crossed a bed of cactus barefoot in the desert than endure the pain involved in crawling back into my life after that blow. Rather than remain in a fetal position, I began to write about my feelings and a year later, my first book, Getting Over It In Milwaukee was published. I also learned what it means to cultivate self-esteem and self-respect moving into my future.
There’s always a lesson to learn at the breaking point. Why not focus on learning it and using it make you even stronger and wiser than allowing a sense of defeat to take root and pull you down?
Say what you will, but as far as I’m concerned, we can learn a lot from celebs.
Arnold is going to go on and make more movies. Last I heard J-Lo had launched a new clothing line. As for Jennifer , I’d bet my last dollar that she get the last laugh on Mr. Pitt, finding wonderful love , sprinkled with a baby or two.
Bottom line- Life goes on!