Should it be a regular practice of running back round checks in this day and age of online dating?
Age is just a number when it comes to acquiring dating intelligence, understanding men and learning the art of dating. With a divorce rate reaching over 60%, many women are finding themselves in a dating atmosphere that is totally different from that of their ancestors. The dating game has definitely changed as more women are finding themselves over 50 and single. This has unfortunately lead to a spike in the HIV infection rate of women over the age of 50. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) AIDS cases among individuals over the age of 50 have increased 22% since 1991.
I discovered first hand, that the older one gets does not make them immune to heartbreak. It was sad to witness, while waiting in criminal court as a witness, a case that involved an educated, over weight, middle aged, African American woman, whom I will refer to as Gloria, attempting to have an unsuspecting, 70-year-old Caucasian woman with a head full of gray hair, whom I will refer to as Vicky, prosecuted and arrested, for stalking and harassment.
It turns out that the 70-year-old woman met a man who conned her out of her heart, money and trust. He was the first committed relationship she had in 17 years after the death of her husband. Vicky was excited about the relationship and looking forward to the potential it had as she planned her future with a man she hardly knew. She testified that for years she had given up on love, and did not believe that at her age she could find it. Then Jeremy, I refer to as the cheating jerk, shows up in her life, telling her everything she wanted to hear and taking advantage of her loneliness. What she didn’t know was that Jeremy was also dating Gloria as well as five other women.
Once Vicky found out about Gloria, the floodgates of pain over flooded her senses. Like many woman who become devastated once they realize the man they love is not the man whom they trusted him to be, Vicky let her hurt direct her actions as she sent several emails, text and calls to Gloria attached with evidence that Jeremy was dating them both. Vicky even emailed Gloria a picture of her hand on Jeremy's man part to prove that she and Mr. Jerk face had been intimate. Gloria responded by pressing charges and taking Vicky to court to get her locked up for harassment.
When it came time for Vicky to give her side of the story she broken down in tears and confessed that she knows that what she did was wrong and that she should not have handled the situation in that way but she was hurt and confused after finding out that the man she loved was a con artist who used her. She said that she almost lost her house, retirement savings and sanity because she trusted and loved Jeremy. She said that she did not email and contact Gloria because she wanted to hurt or harass her. She said that she wanted to warn her so that he didn't use and hurt Gloria the way he did her. The entire courtroom was in tears as the woman poured her heart out and apologized to Gloria for the pain she caused. We even clapped when they hugged and went on their way.
This entire situation is a great example of what I speak about in my books when I encourage women to do their homework on the person they are dating before giving their heart, mind, body and commitment to someone they hardly know. I am confident that neither of the women did their homework and ran a full back round check, ask for documented proof of his STD status and a physical divorce certificate. My most recent book to be published in July 2010 is title “How I Accidently Married My Married Husband.” In this book I go in depth about my own mistake of failing to complete one step in this discovery process and the price I had to pay in my past relationship because of it. The discovery process is a fact-finding attempt every woman should perform on the man she is seriously dating and the risk she may encounter if any step in this process is over looked.
Had both women owned a copy of this book as well as my already published book: DIVA Don't Get Played, they would have been aware of the signs that the man they were both dating was a player. They would have also waited until he earned their mind, body and heart before quickly giving it to him. Vicky would have known that a real man wants to provide for the woman he loves and would never come into her life and make it harder on her than before she met him. Any man, like Jeremy, who enters a woman’s life asking her to take care of him, give him enormous amounts of money and allow him to move in rent and obligation free, does not mean her any good. Lastly, when the red flags started to pop up and set off the bells in their gut that something just wasn’t right with this man, they would have heard my voice in their head telling them to slow down, pay attention and run when they realized he meant them no good. Hopefully both women will not give up on love but instead learn a lesson that will bring them closer to the love experience they deserve.