We have all heard the saying that relationships take work and a commitment to make them work. It is true that relationships are not always easy but when should you draw the line on general relationship woes verses destructive relationship issues? Staying in a destructive relationship tears down your self-esteem, drains the positive energy from you and can also bring out the worse in you. It is just as important to know the signs that it is time for you to walk away, as it is to know when true love has shown up at your doorstep. Here are some signs that you are in a relationship that should probably kick the bucket: 1. Your beloved uses fear, guilt or manipulation to control you. A relationship is an agreement between two people who choose to love, respect and accept the other person for who they are. It is a choice. If you are in a relationship with someone who attempts to remove your ability to choose, this is not the other person’s attempt to love you but an attempt to serve his or her own needs and control you! Some would even categorize these behaviors as abuse because over time they erode at your sense of self and God given freedom to make your own choices. 2. You both are constantly fighting. Often times when you are in a co-dependant relationship where there is an attempt to control the other person, fighting occurs. Consistent fight is a demonstration of a lack of ability to compromise and respect the individuality of the other partner. Many people are caught in the destructive pattern of constant fighting because they equate this high-energy exchange to love and passion. This is not love but an incubator for a heart attack! “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthian 13:4 NIV Notice that within this verse was nothing that said that love fights or argues all of the time! 3. You would rather be at the dentist office having a root canal then be with you mate. When you are in a relationship full of constant conflicts or even a lack of excitement and connection, it is a dread to come home or be around the other person. You may even love your partner but hate being around them. When you are in a healthy relationship, there is nowhere else you would rather be than with the one you love. You should look forward to hearing their voice and seeing their face at the end of the day. If you find yourself making excuses to be anywhere but with your beloved then its time to consider moving on to attract a healthier experience. 4. The relationship is full of jealousy, insecurity and a lack of trust. If you are in a relationship with someone who is always accusing you or questioning you about being with other people, what you wear or where you go and you have never cheated or violated the relationship in anyway, your partner’s lack of trust has nothing to do with you and everything to do with what is going on inside of them. You may have had lunch or a telephone conversation with a person of the opposite sex and your partner found out and understandably this may have broken trust but if years have gone by and they still throw it up in your face or don’t trust you even though you have worked to earned that trust back, your partner may be using your slip up to control you so that no matter what you do or how hard you work, you are in a no win situation. Many times there is a lack of trust for you because your partner may be the one who is dishonest or a cheater and are afraid you will give them back what they are giving you. Either way, you deserve to be happy and this is an unhealthy relationship that needs to die at the stake!
