50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex

Don’t Focus on the Problem – Focus on your Ultimate Vision


Don’t Focus on the Problem – Focus on your Ultimate Vision
Keep your focus on your bigger vision, you will be more capable to solve the problems at hand.

Last year, a corporate professional, let me call him Tom, came to me. He looked very tired and unhappy. “Sharmin, I am working long days, late nights, still my manager wants me to do more, have more impact, show more leadership…where is the time…why can’t he see my contribution already! With changes going around all the time it is so hard to get anything done on time. I even wanted to change this job, but in this economy it is so hard to get an interview even!” – Tom gave me a quite a vivid picture of his life. I felt compassionate for him. Not too long ago I experienced this first hand. 

Problem Focus

More from YourTango: Reality Bites...Or Does It? When A Change in Perspective Helps

I could tell Tom was seeing problems everywhere, the insensitive boss, the randomized team, the bad economy you name it. I am sure if I asked he would have more to add from other areas of his life. When you hear Tom's story or maybe think about a problem from your own life, what do you feel inside? Is it towards peace and serenity or more towards stress and anxiety? You got it right- when we see all these problems we feel anxiety. It is very hard to live with it- so we feel the urge to do something about it (notice, the urge to act is driven by the anxiety). As we act the intensity of the problem reduces or it may disappear altogether. Phew! Now the anxiety also diminishes and we go back to our regular self until the next problem comes on our way.

Since we just reacted to the anxiety it is only a matter of time the same problem comes back and maybe in a larger magnitude even. Those dealing with weight loss or a bad performance review can tell how frustrating it is!


Vision (Outcome) Focus

Problem focus approach gets you from one day to the next. It hardly works when you want an extra ordinary outcome. So what would be a better approach? It is when you are ready to look at the bigger picture – your vision.

More from YourTango: Feeling Stuck? Look Into Your Fears

  1. Take a step back
  2. Take a deep breath
  3. Imagine the problem was not there
  4. Now ask yourself: What do I care in the end?

#4 is the tricky part. If you are envisioning an outcome where life would be free of that problem, you actually are still thinking about the problem at hand, instead of your vision.

If your problem is that promotion you deserve but not getting, imagine the boss is fine and you got the promotion. Is that enough? Is that enough for you to be excited to come to work every day? Let's ask: Who do you want to be? What kind of impact you want to make with your talents and hard work - for your team, for your employer and most important for yourself to be genuinely proud of?


I asked the same question to Tom. He stayed quiet for a moment and then started slowly from a deeper place – "I want to innovate, I want to be working with a team and solve deep technical challenges. I want to help others so they get better at it...". I sensed Tom’s energy elevated. By looking into his longer term vision, he was getting passionate.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts

Are Open Relationships A Way To Divorce-Proof Your Marriage?

A new study says we're more open to consensual nonmonogamy now than ever before — but do they work?


TODAY Is The "Grand Cross" - What It Means...

Today is a big deal in Western astrology – there is a perfect “Grand Cross” ...

Life Coach: The Questions You Should Ask Before You Commit

8 Questions You Must Ask Yourself Before You Commit To A Partner

Before you make the big choice of a partner, take time to ask some very important questions.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>