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The Art of Spanking


Many of us remember being spanked as a kid. But that kind of spanking was for punishment not pleasure. It wasn’t meant to turn us on. But maybe it did get some of us aroused?

As a kid I was spanked by hand, with wooden spoons, and skinny or medium size leather belts. I was never a fan of being spanked and did not enjoy it. However, there are some adults who as a child fantasized about being spanked. I honestly never thought about spanking in that sense until my first sexual experience with a lover who “smacked my ass.” It wasn’t the most pleasant experience. It came out of nowhere and my lover was not skilled in the "Art of Spanking." That first experience set the tone for me, to never really enjoy being spanked, until recently when I learned there is a proper way to spank that gives pleasure along with a little pain.

Like other sexual behavior, most men get their "spanking" knowledge from porn. That and from watching sports. So they take what they saw in the porn along with teammate's smacking each others asses and bring it into the bedroom. Suddenly you are in the middle of sex and out of nowhere they “smack your ass.” Whether you like it or not, or even asked for them to do it, they find what seems to be the most inappropriate time during sex to “smack your ass.”

This is why we need to learn how to communicate about sex. Where did I learn the right way to spank and be spanked? From the fetish community, books and experience. Once I learned the proper way to spank I showed my lovers and had them practice on me. That was when I learned I liked to be spanked.

I recently went to a strip club with a lover of mine, and the young girl who was dancing for us was playfully trying to spank my ass along with my friends. It should come as no surprise that she was doing it the way a male lover showed her, which of course, was just smacking our asses instead of trying to make it feel good. I took the time to show her the proper way to do it, in order to save her future or current lover's the same ass smacking fate. She was really impressed and thanked me for showing her how to make it pleasurable. So we all took turns spanking each other and enjoying it this time.

Spanking is not for everyone. Not everyone is going to like it. But you shouldn’t knock something until you try it. Take a chance and give it a go to see if it’s something you would like to add to your sexual rolodex or as foreplay. There are many ways to go about spanking and it can range from playful to hard-core spanking of the ass until you have welts. I’m going to introduce you to the beginner’s art of spanking and you can take it to whatever level you’d like.

The Proper Way to Spank

As mentioned before, bad spanking technique can be a real turn off and can make your partner dislike it after the first attempt. Therefore, learning the proper techniques for spanking can guarantee a good time for both. Granted everyone has their own technique for spanking, as some people like it hard by having their asses whipped, smacked, or paddled. I’m only introducing you to “The Art of Spanking” to help you to introduce it to your partner. Then the two of you can take it to whatever level you like.

First, you always want to do what people in the spanking community call a “warm up.” Start off by just rubbing the ass either bare or clothed. This helps to get the circulation going. Rubbing, caressing, or massaging the ass gives your lover a feel good sensation and leaves them wanting more. It’s all about mixing pleasure with pain; pushing their limits and making them want more.

Once you’ve warmed up their ass by rubbing it, give their ass a slight slap with your hand. Then immediately go back to rubbing their ass where you slapped it. This gives them a light pleasurable pain. Try not to make it consistent so they don’t know when to expect it.

Start off with light slaps then work up to what they are comfortable with. Rotate between ass cheeks but always end with rubbing their ass. Once they are more used to it and can take a bit more pain then rub and slap their ass more than once but ending with a rub.

The rubbing, slapping and then rubbing again helps the ass to warm up to the slap you’re about to give them. Once you slap their ass after the rub, it immediately goes from pleasure to pleasurable pain with a slight feel good sting. Then going back to the rubbing after the slap, helps to take the sting away replacing it with pleasure again but leaving them wanting to feel that pleasurable sting again.

Mixing this pleasure-pain combination with sex is even more enjoyable. If you’re fucking your lover from behind you can easily rub, slap then rub their ass cheeks again giving them great pleasure. Even when you slap their ass once, twice or three times before you start rubbing again, it may sting a bit but they can still experience the pleasure of a cock or dildo being inside them.

If your lover wants you to spank them while they are fucking you missionary style, you can easily reach your hands around onto their ass and spank them with the same spank and rub pattern. This is very erotic for both the person being fucked and the person being spanked. The sensations from being inside someone or having someone inside of you along with the erotic rubbing and slapping of the ass is enough to send both partners over the edge.

If you are new to spanking, try this technique out and see how it works for you and your lover. If it’s something you are both into but want to try more and get a little kinkier then take a look at my links below where you can find books, websites, and other resources on taking it to the next level.

Purchase spanking books or DVD's to learn more

Positions for Spanking

There is really no limit to how many different positions you can try for spanking, just let your imagination be your guide. Positions are all about what type of scene you are trying to create; parent and the bad child, teacher and the naughty student, or Master and slave. The position choices and scenes are endless. One thing to think about is about how much pain you want to create for you and your partner.

You can act out scenes, as mentioned above, to add to the effect of the spanking. If you want to play the parent and have your lover play the bad child, then you can bend your lover over your knee and spank them with a wooden spoon, belt or with your hand. If your lover is the teacher and you are the naughty student then your lover can bend you over a table or desk and spank you with a ruler for being bad as part of teacher/student role play. Or if you are the Master and want to punish your slave by tying them up and spanking them for being bad then you can act out that fantasy by doing a number of things to your slave.

While there are so many choices, sometimes we all need to go back to the basics. Spanking positions are no different. The most basic spanking positions are standing, bent over, grabbing your ankles, head-between-legs, bent over an object, over the knee, bed or couch, short stool or chair, lying on your stomach, on all fours or on a spanking bench. Spanking benches can be purchased online or you can make one yourself. Visit my links section for where to buy a spanking bench.

Sex Positions For Spanking

Props for Spanking

You can pretty much use any type of item you’d like for spanking someone. Again the choices are endless and each person or couple has to experiment to find the perfect implement for whatever scene you are trying to create or what feels best for you.

The most obvious and common prop used for spanking is the hand. It is also the cheapest and the easiest to use if you are away from home and don’t have your props with you. Another good prop for spanking is a paddle. A paddle can be anything that is broad, stiff and flat including a hairbrush. Just make sure the paddle is strong and smooth enough to be used for spanking. You can visit porn stores or websites that sell paddles used for spanking if you are unsure of where to start. Also, a great tip for using hairbrushes is to tease the freshly spanked skin of the ass by running the bristles of the hairbrush over it.

Straps can be great for spanking someone if anything for the sound factor alone. Straps are usually long, narrow and very flexible. A belt would be considered a strap but if you use a belt be sure to exercise caution to never hit anyone with the buckle as this can do some serious damage to the skin.

Other spanking implements include floggers, canes, crops, switches, rulers, birch rods, and whips. Many of these can be found at your local porn store or online. And some implements can already be found at home such as rulers, hairbrushes, wooden spoon and belts are things people usually have in their homes for every day uses. Just use your imagination. It is important to remember to be safe when using different props and to always have a safe word when playing.

Purchase Whips, Floggers, Paddles & More Here

Incorporating Spanking Into Your Sex Life

Spanking, like sex can get boring when continuously doing the same old thing. That spells Boring with a capital B. Think about spicing up your spanking sessions with a few different scenarios. Remember to take turns if you both like being the spankee so that you can both enjoy the sensations.

Here are some suggestions for different kinds of spanking play:

Wet Play
Try spanking your partner when they are wet as this can intensify the feeling. Take a nice warm bubble bath together. Once your partner's ass is wet and warm from soaking in the tub, have them bend over and spank their ass with your hand while rubbing it. The rubbing sensation of their warm, wet ass will turn you on too.

Also, a great quick spanking session in the shower in the morning when you are both getting ready for work can be fun and a wonderful way to tease each other. You can both finish each other off or make it fun by teasing each other's asses and saving the real fun for when you get home later that night.

Shower toys for spanking safely & having fun in the shower

Hot or Minty Creams
Using these creams can intensify or prolong the spanking sensation. Some people might be allergic to certain creams so make sure you test out the product first before using.

Put the creams or lubes on your partners ass, let it soak in for a minute in order for it start working then tease the ass by blowing on the cheeks either creating a heating sensation or cooling sensation depending on which type you are using. Then rub and blow on the ass and give it a good slap with your hand or prop of choice.

Cooling Creams

Warming Creams

Mixing Spanking Sensations
This is a great way to spice up your spanking sessions by mixing different sensations with spanking. You can start off by teasing the ass with a feather or fur, by running it lightly over their ass. Then run your fingernails over your partner's ass before spanking it with a hairbrush. Afterwards use the bristles from the hairbrush, or a makeup blush brush, to tease the just spanked skin of the ass.

You can also mix hot and cold items on your partner's ass such as using hot candle wax and/or ice cubes. Let the residue or melted water drip down your partner's ass to their naughty parts. Just let your imagination run wild.

Another great way to tease your partner while mixing the sensations is to blindfold and tie them up on the bed with their ass facing you. This makes them focus on what they feel rather than on what they see so they'll have no idea what is coming next!


Vibrating Round Brush

Vibrating Mini Makeup Brush

Massage Candle Wax



Playing Games
You can play any game to spice up your spanking sessions. Whether a board game or a round of cards, you can have whoever wins each turn determine who gets spanked, how many times and with what prop. Again, use your imagination to set your own rules.

Fetish Spanking Game

Public Spanking
Another great way to tease your partner is to spank them while the two of you are out in public. Each time your partner misbehaves, you can give them a slap on their ass saying to them, "You are going to get it when we get home for being so naughty." This teases both you and your partner with what is to come once the two of you get home. Also, you can take them into the bathroom for a quick tease spanking while out at a club, dinner, lounge, work, or whatever place is available.

You can even attend a fetish event in your area or travel to one where your lover can tie you up and spank you in front of others. Or you can have a professional spank you while your lover watches. Or you can just be a voyeur and watch others get spanked while you take notes. This can be a fun and sexy way to learn the art of spanking.

Wear a sexy spanking skirt out on the town or to a fetish event

Dressing Up
Why not spice up your spanking sessions by acting out a fantasy by dressing up. Maybe you have a fantasy from your school days when you're teacher pulled you aside and spanked you with a ruler? If so, then dress up as a naughty school girl and have your lover bend you over the desk or his lap and spank you with a ruler. Let your imagination run wild and have fun coming up with different fantasies and ways to dress up to add more excitement to your spanking play.

School Girl Costumes

Different Spanking Positions
As mentioned above in "Positions For Spanking," don't always have your partner spank you when you're on all fours on the bed or bent over a desk. Mix it up a little bit; try being spanked when you're standing up, bent over your lover's lap, bent over a spanking bench, or in a naughty sex position. Again use your imagination and come up with some kinky positions for spanking each other.

Sex Positions

Warnings About Spanking

You must watch where you spank. The lower back must be avoided, especially if you are using implements as that is where the kidneys are located. Hit the wrong place and you can damage your partner’s kidney.

Never try to have a spanking session with someone who doesn’t consent to one. Just because you want to try it, doesn’t mean your lover does or they're into it. No matter what the role play, no one should be forced. If they are hesitant then talk to them before sexual activity and explain why you would like to try it. Show them this article or the books and DVD's you've been studying along with any implements you've purchased. Let them know how much it would turn you on sexually to give it a try and start off at a beginner's level to get them warmed up.

Always have a safe word. A generic word the person on the receiving end can say to make all play stop immediately-no questions asked. Respect your partner’s limits. Many people don’t realize that the same nerve pathways that are in our gluteus maximus are connected to the genitals as well. That is why the genitals can get a little pleasurable zap when you are spanked, especially if you are already sexually aroused when the spanking starts.

There is also nothing wrong with trying something and deciding it isn’t for you. If you try spanking play and it does nothing for you, that is ok. Give yourself props for trying something new. Nothing ventured nothing gained. However, if you are avoiding trying it because you are too timid to bring it up with your partner then that is a whole other can of worms and I suggest working on your communication skills. Then you can let the role playing begin!



Purchase a book or DVD on spanking to learn more


Purchase whips, floggers, paddles and more. Practice, discover different sensations and learn which ones you like most.


• Change things up with wet play, hot or cooling creams, dressing up, playing games or spanking your lover in public as mentioned above.


• Take your spanking sessions to the next level by attending a fetish event or class in your area on spanking, flogging, using tail whips, etc.

Sienna Sinclaire ~ Naughty Los Angeles Sex & Dating Coach

This article was originally published at Naughty Lifestyle Guide. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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