The following steps to bringing the spark back into your relationship are so simple you may laugh and just glance over them. But how many of you can honestly say that you're doing all of them? Even if you're already doing one or two, it's not enough!
Start incorporating all five into your daily life and see how things change between you and your partner. In the very beginning of a relationship these simple things come naturally, but as our relationships move forward we get busy with work, kids, family and life. We think that just because we are married, living with or dating our partner, we don't have to try anymore. How wrong that is!
You should be trying every day and treating your relationship as if it could end any day. In the beginning of a relationship, we go to great lengths to get our lover's attention, but once we settle into a routine as a couple we forget to try to keep our partner interested in us by doing small things.
Start by communicating with your lover about what you're doing to get them involved, or just start doing these simple things and see how they react!
1. Start with a hug. You can tell a lot about a couple by how they hug, from how long they embrace to who pulls away first. Many couples stop hugging each other after a while, and they are missing out on so much when they don't! Hugging can add a whole new level of intimacy. Most of us don't know how to hug or don't really hug in a way that fosters a sense of connection. I know it sounds simple but really, hugging someone can take some work. Make a point of really hugging your partner three times a day, in the morning, after work and before bed. Studies have shown that all it takes is a single twenty-second hug to significantly raise oxytocin levels and leave you both feeling calmer and more connected.
2. Don't Forget to kiss. Remember your first kiss with your lover and how it immediately got sparks flying? Remember how much it aroused you and got your libido going? As we settle into a couple, a lot of us stop kissing, just having sex instead. Why not go up to your lover, start by kissing them softly on the lips, and see what happens? Next time you're having sex, tell your partner that you want to kiss them for a little while before sex. Start making out again.
Kissing doesn't always have to be sexual. It can be sweet and endearing. Remember early in your relationship when your lover kissed your hand, forehead, neck or cheek and how it made you feel—maybe it gave you goose bumps? Start doing that again by just walking up to your lover and kissing them on the cheek in the morning before leaving for work. Kiss them when they get home or before bed. Kissing doesn't always have to lead to sex. Here's an article on Kissing As Medicine For Yourself.
3. Make eye contact. Remember staring into your lover's eyes when you first met? How about staying up all night talking to them, staring at them in the restaurant while dining or looking into their eyes when having sex? Making eye contact with someone is very a personal and intimate experience. Many people find it hard to look into people's eyes for too long without having to glance away.
As we settle into our relationships we spend less time really looking at our lovers. We get busy with work and life. We get up in the morning and are in a hurry to leave to work. We say good morning, but without really looking at our lovers. Then we come home and do the same thing. We need to slow down and take the time to look! This builds intimacy and closeness to your lover. So sit down for breakfast or dinner and take time to look at and talk with your partner.
4. Give a compliment. Who doesn't love a compliment, especially when it's from the person we love or are dating? Again, the more we date someone, sometimes the fewer compliments we give to them because we think we already "have them." But you need to think that you can lose your lover at any time, because when you feel this way you're more likely to do things to try to keep them.
A compliment goes a long way and can really make someone's day. You could be having a crappy day that suddenly completely changes when your lover gives you a compliment. The same goes for your lover! Give them compliments and they are more than likely to give you one in return. Stop giving compliments, and so will your lover. You should be complimenting each other every day. It doesn't have to be about looks, it can be about anything that they do!
Don't forget to compliment your lover in the bedroom. A lot of people actually don't do this. They may have sex and say it was amazing, but don't compliment on what they found amazing! Maybe she did something great with her mouth on your cock. If so, tell her so she'll do it again and know that you liked it. If not, she may think you didn't like it and never do it again! Maybe something about her hair while you were having sex was super sexy? Then tell her. Or maybe your man has been working out and his abs looked good in the light when he was on top or bottom? Then tell him. Compliments make us feel good, and why wouldn't you want your lover to feel good?
5. Communicate. I can't stress this one enough. Without communication you don't have a relationship—instead you're just going through the motions. In the beginning of a relationship you guys stay up for hours talking and getting to know one another. Then you get into a relationship and think you know everything. You should always be learning more about your lover and sharing things with them. There are always things to talk about, and if you really love your partner, why wouldn't you want to communicate with them? It's not just about everyday things, but communicating about kids, finances, work, and so on is very important in a relationship so that you both know what's going on. Even if one person is in charge of the finances, you should still keep them in the loop and share things.
Even more important is communicating about sex. Without sex in a relationship, you just have a roommate. People find it so hard to talk about sex with their lovers, but they have no problem talking about finances, kids, work, etc. Who wouldn't want to talk about sex? It's fun! Also, how is your partner supposed to know what you like in the bedroom if you don't share with them, and vice versa? Ask what your partner wants. Even if you've been dating them for a while, or you're married, you never really know what your partner wants sexually unless you ask them. If you've never asked them before, sometimes they can be shy and may not share as much at first, but keep communicating and they will open up and feel more comfortable.
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