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How to Use a Sex Toy Alone or with a Partner

how to use sex toys

Tips for using a vibrator or sex toy alone or with your lover. Easy tips for newbies.

Sex toys and sex toy shopping can be very intimidating for some people. I get emails and facebook me messages all of the time from women and couples who have no idea where to start. And, there are just some people who will NEVER walk into a sex toy store no matter what. It is just not in their personality no matter how "female oriented" a store is designed. (Some people are even shy buying online and over the phone!)

This article is for women or a couple who has no idea where to start and once they buy the toy what to do with it once they have it in their home.

So, my advice is to always start small and inexpensive. There is always time to graduate to the big guns. But, if you are buying your first sex toy then I believe under $50 is a good rule. And, there are tons of toys in that price range. I love the bu llet style toys for couples and women who have never had an orgasm before and who have never had a sex toy before. ( Here is a link to my all time favorite sex toy ever and it's called the 5 Speed bullet. It retails on my site for $38.)

(YourTango article I wrote Sex Toys for Newbies here.)

When it comes to sex toys, there are really NO rules. If it feels good to you, then do it. My only caveat to that statement is if you use it anally, you should observe a few rules. I will get to that later in the article.

Since most women have most of their orgasms from clitoral stimulation, most of us are going to need something to happen to our clitoris to have an orgasm. Now, sure, some women can have vaginal orgasms, anal orgasms, nipple orgasms, g-spot orgasms, etc etc.  But, the majority of us are going to have the majority of our orgasms from the clit. So, most people will use their vibrators and dildos mostly on their clitoris. But, remember, I saw there are no rules when it comes to sex toys.

When you are first starting out, why not lay in bed and see how the vibration feels on your inner arm where the skin is super soft. Test it out on the back or your knees where the skin is super soft. Roll it up to your nipples and see how it feels on each nipple.

When you are good and ready, slide it down to your lower tummy and your inner thighs. This is sort of like foreplay for yourself. (Your partner is also welcome to join in the fun. Let him or her test it out on the various areas of your body, too, to see which ones respond and which ones do not.

Then, when you are good and ready, test it gently on your labia (outer lips). Turn it on low and gently slide it all over your inner thighs and your lips. You will likely feel the blood flowing to your clitoris now (if not sooner) and you may be ready to test out the vibe on your clitoris. But tease yourself a little bit and keep it on low for now.

You may feel a little ZING at first but try to BREATHE deeply and go with it. Many women, when they masturbate, do the "ring around the rosie" technique and they circle their pointer finger around their exposed clitoris. You can try the same thing with the vibrator you are using. (These techniques all seem to work best when you have something smallish that fits in your hand easily - like the 5 Speed bullet I mentioned above. Or a simple silver bullet would work, too.)

Just sort of take your free hand and make a "V" with your pointer and middle finger. And sort of spread your labia apart to help expose your clitoris. Then, put the vibrator in your other hand and circle it around your clitoris. Test out the pace you enjoy. Do you like it circled around quickly or slowly? Try both.

If you feel like it's too much, then just take your bullet and slide it down away from your clitoris and breathe. Turn it down to low and again, tease yourself with the vibration. Get the blood flowing around your entire inner thigh and labia area. A really good orgasm is all about blood flow to the pelvic region and good, deep breathing to let the blood and oxygen flow all through out your body. It's very easy when we get very excited to start shallow breathing as we start to get more excited. But, if you can slow it all down for a few moments, when you put the vibrator back on your clitoris it will intensify the orgasm.

Now, once you decided you LOVE the vibration on your clitoris and you have taught yourself how to orgasm with it on your clit - imagine all of the fun was you can use it with your lover.

You can use if on your nipples or his nipples during intercourse. You can slide it onto your clitoris while he is inside of you. You get the benefit of a clitoral orgasm while he feels the vibrator between the two of you.

If you don't want to hold it there, do what I did recently and use some of that medical tape and tape it exactly where you want it. It stays put! And the tape does not hurt when you peel it off.

Some couples like to insert it anally. I do like to recommend you put a condom on the bullet or other small toy to be sure it does not get lost in your rectum. Keep it so that the condom and the wire is COVERED which means easier to sanitize later and easier to pull back out later. We would never want the wire and toy to separate in a bad place.

There are so many ways to try the sex toys. These are just a few tips that might help you newbies get started. If you have an open mind and a great attitude, it will all feel good. Some men even enjoy vibration on their balls and their penis. As I like to say, if it feels good, get down with your bad self!

I have another blog I wrote that teaches women who have a hard time having an orgasm to test out a technique that has worked for many of my customers who struggle with orgasms. Orgasm Difficulty Blog link here.

I hope this is helpful. Would love your comments. And, if you like my style, please like us on Facebook. and my YourTango readers can use the coupon code TANGO on our online store for 15% off.


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