Very seldom do I give a shoutout for men but I decided this week was a good one to single them out.
Last week, I heard about a guy who had himself "kidnapped" so he could go out with his buddies — he didn't want to ask his wife and be told no. I was then listening to a call-in-show where a man asked the host if he should get another job because he lost a contract and was scared to tell his wife that the family budget was going to have to be cut down. He was willing to take time away from her and his kids just to make sure she didn't get mad about the loss of income!
This got me thinking: when did we, as men, start to lose the ability to just man up and have a real conversation with our partners in life? And why are we so scared to have the conversations that are truly important? If you're eager to make a change and be more honest with yourself and your partner, read these three tips that will help you man up when it comes to your finances and relationship.
1. Forget Your Past Mistakes
I have been married for 15 years and I will tell you I have made my fair share of mistakes. However, I have apologized and moved on. Bethany knows I try my best and we apologize when we make mistakes and keep moving forward. There is a reason that the rear view mirror is smaller than your windshield — to help you keep your eyes looking toward your bright future, instead of focusing on your past mistakes. It is particularly important to not focus on past money, job, and personal finance mistakes. Yes, you will make mistakes but just because you do, it doesn't mean you walk away like a whooped puppy. MAN UP! — own your mistakes, admit them to your wife and then move on.
2. Communicate Clearly
Communication is not usually any man's strong suit but get over it. Your partner in life just wants you to shoot straight. Have those tough conversations — the ones that keep you up at night because you are convinced the issue is just going to blow up out of proportion. Instead of sticking your head in the sand, communicate clearly what is real and pressing about your situation, and what needs to be done to fix it.
If you lost your job, lost money in an investment, or got demoted, be sure to shoot straight and be honest. There is a reason we promise for "richer or for poorer" in our wedding vows. You will have "rich" times and "poor" times during the span of your marriage. MAN UP and speak the truth. This is a journey where you can both come together and make your relationship better. It will also probably lead to the best sex you have had in years!
3. State Your Needs
The reason we have a bunch of scared men running around is because so many of them don't know how to state their needs. It is imperative to listen to your partner's needs, but don't neglect your own! If that guy I mentioned above really knew what his wife needed, and had worked to make sure that her needs were met, she wouldn't have kicked him out of the house to go be with his bros. The problem is, he didn't tell her what his needs were... and he didn't ask her what her needs were either. Both are just as important. MAN UP! State your needs and ask your wife what hers are too.
Hope this helped — from one guy to another!
One last thing: Bethany and I have put together a kit that will save relationships. You want to "turn her on"? Be proactive and get the Love and Money Lifestyle toolkit, or any of our resources for that matter, and tell her, "Our relationship matters and I want to take the time to invest in our relationship and go through this program with you". Wow! A guy just told me he did that and said, "I couldn't believe how talking about money could be so cool." I had a lot of say in to this kit so it's a well-balanced toolkit for both spouses. Trust me: you will like it and your wife will too!
The Money Couple
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