About 2 am this past Tuesday morning, while driving straight through overnight from Memphis home to San Antonio, my wife (and fellow dating coach) Emily and I found ourselves with a straight highway ahead and calm, moonlit skies overhead.
So we started talking about our lives together, both now and in the future.
And as we did, we played a random string of smooth, dare I say “romantic” tracks over the sound system.
Somewhere along the way, John Mayer’s amazing song “Daughters” began to play…right as a brief lull in our conversation had set it up perfectly.
It had been a few years since I had actually heard that song, and I had forgotten how much I liked it:
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
When you have a daughter someday, will you be one of those guys who plans to buy a shotgun when she turns 13?
Or will you be confident that she’ll have the skills and presence of mind to make solid decisions and attract great guys to be her boyfriends in school, and ultimately to be her long-term partner someday?
Show me a guy who’s shopping for guns as a “boy deterrent” and I’ll show you a guy who pretty much views women around his own age as sex objects and nothing more.
Well, we as humans tend to project our view of the world on everyone else…as if somehow that’s “the way it is”, generally speaking.
So if we view women primarily as a means of sexual fulfillment, we’ll likely assume that every boy our daughter meets will be after “only one thing”.
And see, it’s not that we won’t CARE about our daughters.
It’s just that John Mayer sort of hit the nail on the head: Daughters will love like we do.
That goes for how they love THEMSELVES and how they love US, as well as whoever it is they eventually fall IN LOVE with.
This is for real.
For example, the truth is I don’t really need to know if a guy’s packing heat on the front porch or not.
I can tell how he feels about women in general by how his daughter feels about them.
You see, your little girl will probably have no problem recognizing that she’s a red-blooded human being just like you are…capable of bestowing any number of amazing gifts—feminine or otherwise—upon this big, wonderful world.
But if you’ve been a primarily sex-focused guy, your worldview won’t only be projected onto the GUYS in her life…it just might be projected onto HER.
And she’ll resent you for that, realizing she has so much more to offer.
Want a quick “head check” to see where you really are on this?
Ask yourself this question. Will your expectations for your daughter’s future success be any different than if she were your son?
If so, it could be because when you get right down to it, you view HER primarily in terms of her sexuality, as you have every other girl you’ve known.
But since she’s your daughter and you love her in a different way, you think more in terms of “protecting” her from the “predatory” sexual advances of all the boys out there.
And daughters will love like you do.
If, on the other hand, you have long-since recognized the incredible depth that women can bring to your life beyond sex itself, then you’ll love your daughter perhaps no less or no more…but DIFFERENTLY, indeed.
Your “Big Four” Masculine presence will inspire her rather than limit her.