- The most dangerous is a form of emotional abuse known as "social isolation." In this "acting out", one partner has a desperate need to control and does everything possible to isolate his or her partner form all other rewarding interaction. In this kind of situation, one needs to consult a professional for direction. Trying to discuss how this feels with this kind of partner, can lead to physical violence, against you and your children.
- A second reason for this behavior is not having learned social skills as a child and feeling anxious and "all thumbs" when in a social situation. Stop Trying To Be Supermom! 5 Tips For Finding Balance
- The third reason is unresolved family conflicts stirred up in unfamiliar situations, causing rude or insensitive behavior. For example, one with a rejecting parent can want to be accepted so badly by those seen as important to a partner that he or she stops using judgment. They freeze and acts in ways never intended. Or, one who had a very controlling parent can "act out" toward this parent by refusing the give and take of marriage, not realizing what he or she is doing is hurting a partner.
When one does not know any better, or is acting out unresolved issues, honest conversation can lead to positive change. Knowing you are loved and hearing it improves the confidence to learn new social skills. And there are also professionals to consult to help this along. That being said, it is always a good idea to know one as well as possible before a commitment is made. We cannot change one we marry. Change must come from the person himself or herself.
The fifty year old client I described earlier decided during our work together that there was more good in her marriage than bad. Because her husband truly hated social evenings that were not family oriented, they decided that she would socialize with friends without him. This has worked out very well for all. Communicate with your Therapist about Pending Diagnostic Changes
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