Ten Life Lessons from Tom and Katie's " Mission Impossible"

By

Ten Life Lessons from Tom and Katie's " Mission Impossible"
There are lessons for young lovers and their parents from the Holmes/Cruise courtship and marriage.

It has to be horrible for celebrities going through private pain and turmoil to be forced to play out their loss on a world stage. Adults in this turmoil have often chosen their celebrity, but their children have not. That said, we can all learn from the paths they have chosen and use it to avoid unnecessary pain and promote healthy living in our own lives. This is true of the separation and impending divorce of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise after five years of marriage. Sadly, their split was inevitable, and young lovers can learn alot from it. Her's why:

1. A Celebrity Crush is not based on a real person: There is a 16 year difference between this couple. Cruise will soon be 50, and Holmes, now 33, admits to a teenage crush as well as a bedroom poster of "Top Gun" (with Cruise). She could not have easily resisted the charisma, charm, and determined pursuit of the larger than life, three time Oscar nominated star of "Mission Impossible," even though their union was.
2. When a man Cruise's age wants to marry a woman 16 years younger than he, he usually is motivated by one thing -- the need to control,
3. Parent alert: It has been written that Holmes' parents were against the union from the get-go. If one's son or daughter is determined to marry one who parents feel is a thoroughly wrong choice, it is best to stay close, bite the parental tongue, pray that you are wrong, and that if you are not, your off spring wakes up early in the marriage.
4. Cruise's mania on Oprah's couch was not laughed at because people were jealous of the couple's happiness. (Everyone but the Scrooges love a love story.) People laughed because they were uncomfortable, sensing that Cruise was fooling himself about himself.
5. A proposal at the Eiffel Tower ('05) followed by a post-Suri extravaganza at the 15th century Odescalchi castle near Rome ('06) that the whole world is privy to is not an engagement or a marriage. It is a show.
6. A boy abandoned by his dad is not going to find stability necessary for marital intimacy through Scientology or the world of Hollywood make believe.
7. A woman reaches her sexual peak in her thirties. We know through the leaked tapes during the marriage of Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise that sexual intimacy was not what Cruise craved. He likes his thrills in pursuits outside of the bedroom. This had to predict trouble in the couple's so called paradise.
8. Everyone is entitled to two failed marriages (think Nora Ephron). But three means something is wrong in the trust and intimacy departments. (In addition to Holmes and Kidman, Cruise had also been married to Mimi Rogers and had a three year relationship with Penelope Cruz. Editors loved those Cruise/Cruz headlines.) Some do find a later life caretaker marriage (think Cary Grant) fulfilling.
9. A well thought out pre-nup is a necessity when there is wealth: Reports vary as to what Holmes will receive, but her child support will be vast.
10. Divorce is horrible for anyone who thought he/she loved and tried, especially when played out on a world stage, and especially with children.  It is even more painful for a child torn apart by an inevitable custody fight. 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

SaraKay Smullens

Author

I look forward to your thoughts and sharing with you.

To be continued,

SaraKay Smullens, MSW, BCD, LCSW, ACSW, CFLE, CGP 

Location: Philadelphia, PA
Credentials: BCD, MSW
Other Articles/News by SaraKay Smullens:

The Decline Of Robin Williams And The Dangers Of Burnout

By

"(Comedy is) a brutal field, man. They burn out. It takes its toll." —Robin Williams Prior to his suicide it had been reported that Robin Williams had begun sleeping in his darkened bedroom for up to 18 hours. Those who love Robin Williams have suggested that his withdrawal from family and friends and his untimely, horrific death can be used ... Read more

Understanding Three Types of Marital Relationships

By

In the years that I have been working with couples, I have seen that there are three basic kinds of marriages.  There can be some overlap in the types; but it helps to understand all three, and their uniqueness.  I share this categorization because it can help individuals to understand some of the reasons why they may not be fulfilled in their ... Read more

Why Some People Are Cruel And How To Deal With Them

By

Here are a few examples of the different kinds of cruel people that exist in our world and a solution on how to deal with them.  The Supposed Friend & The Cheating Boyfriend My 20-year-old client, a college senior, was both sobbing with pain and shaking with rage. She had learned just a few hours before she called for an emergency appointment ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.