I often hear people saying this to young people with various words inserted, like confident. A child will mention something that they want to do or are interested in and the adults will reply something like, “I don’t see you doing that, you are just not very......” Insert whatever word here. You know, the child may just believe you and your answer may impact what they do or how they feel about themselves. I have worked with many teenagers who were hiding behind a banner of no confidence, which was actually given to them by their parents. Don’t ever give your child an excuse to not be their best. If you hear them say that they don’t feel very confident, just say that you don’t believe that is the case. Don’t label your children with a descriptive word that will be much more difficult to shake off later.
5. And last but not least..... Good girl/boy!
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I know, we say these all the time, but they can have a lasting effect on our psyche, making us think that we are only worthy of love if we do or don’t do a certain thing. But we are worthy of love whatever we do! Try and resist the urge and instead focus on the behaviour, not the person, so instead say, “I really love it when you ......” Or, instead of that is bad; “What you just did then is not how we behave in this family.”
And lastly, remember that we are not all perfect and if you do catch yourself saying something negative to your child, apologise as soon as you can and tell them what you really meant.
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