He's an extrovert. She's an introvert. Can this relationship work?
I was dating a guy for 9 months. We had a lot of fun together and were happy most of the time. Our biggest issue was that he likes to have a lot of people around him. I am a classic introvert and would get overwhelmed by his loud friends.
A month ago, he broke up with me, stating that he had been frustrated for a while and always felt like I didn't want to be at parties. We agreed to talk at the end of the month and see if we could fix things. Do you think this relationship is worth saving?
From what you've shared, the main issue is that he doesn't respect that as an introvert, your social needs are different from his. Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, defines introverts as people who become drained from too much social stimulus. I should know —I am an introvert, too. I recharge my batteries by getting some quiet alone time.
In a healthy relationship, you BOTH should respect each other's differences. You tolerated his loud friends, when all you wanted to do was find a quiet place to hide out. What about him? What did he do to try and understand or support you? It sounds like you were doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship.
It takes two to make a relationship work. If he wasn't willing to compromise at all, if he made you wrong because you're not an extrovert, where can this relationship possibly go in the future?
Is there hope for this relationship?
Sounds like it's time to move on. But before you do, please make sure you love and honor yourself more than you do now. Your self-esteem is equal to the quality of the partner you choose.
So, make sure your self-esteem gets a big boost. Focus on not taking everything personally in relationships and learn to accept who you are — introvert or extrovert, tall, fat, thin, blonde, brilliant, or anything in between, because you are perfect just as you are. Uncover more of your beauty and find someone who appreciates you for YOU.
Check out Susan Cain's book. In it, she describes how introverts and extroverts often make great love matches, especially when they understand and respect each other's needs.
Stay strong, Erica, and move on to find someone who loves you because you're an introvert, not in spite of it.
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