When To Throw In The Towel On Your Relationship


When To Throw In The Towel On Your Relationship
He's an extrovert. She's an introvert. Can this relationship work?

Dear Sandy,

I was dating a guy for 9 months. We had a lot of fun together and were happy most of the time. Our biggest issue was that he likes to have a lot of people around him. I am a classic introvert and would get overwhelmed by his loud friends. 


A month ago, he broke up with me, stating that he had been frustrated for a while and always felt like I didn't want to be at parties. We agreed to talk at the end of the month and see if we could fix things. Do you think this relationship is worth saving?


Dear Erica,

From what you've shared, the main issue is that he doesn't respect that as an introvert, your social needs are different from his. Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, defines introverts as people who become drained from too much social stimulus. I should know —I am an introvert, too. I recharge my batteries by getting some quiet alone time.

In a healthy relationship, you BOTH should respect each other's differences. You tolerated his loud friends, when all you wanted to do was find a quiet place to hide out. What about him? What did he do to try and understand or support you? It sounds like you were doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship.

It takes two to make a relationship work. If he wasn't willing to compromise at all, if he made you wrong because you're not an extrovert, where can this relationship possibly go in the future?

Is there hope for this relationship?

Sounds like it's time to move on. But before you do, please make sure you love and honor yourself more than you do now. Your self-esteem is equal to the quality of the partner you choose.

So, make sure your self-esteem gets a big boost. Focus on not taking everything personally in relationships and learn to accept who you are — introvert or extrovert, tall, fat, thin, blonde, brilliant, or anything in between, because you are perfect just as you are. Uncover more of your beauty and find someone who appreciates you for YOU.

Check out Susan Cain's book. In it, she describes how introverts and extroverts often make great love matches, especially when they understand and respect each other's needs.

Stay strong, Erica, and move on to find someone who loves you because you're an introvert, not in spite of it.

For a copy of my FREE report, "The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)" please click here.

'Like' my Facebook page for exciting posts on dating and relationships & links to my weekly radio show.


More dating advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Sandy Weiner

Dating Coach

Sandy Weiner


For a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” please click here.

If you are serious about finding love this year, there’s nothing like group coaching to keep you accountable and give you solid dating tools that work. In the Last First Date Inner Circle, you'll have access to two monthly topic-based Q & A calls about dating over 40, and a private forum for you to connect and share your experiences. All calls are recorded and transcribed, and you get a free chapter a month of my upcoming book. If you're a woman over 40 and want ongoing coaching support at an affordable rate, check out the LFD Inner Circle today. 

Location: Stamford, CT
Credentials: ACC, CPCC
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Online Dating
Other Articles/News by Sandy Weiner:

Why Most Men Want To Have Sex On The First Date


Dear Sandy, I recently started dating again following the death of my husband. I hear conflicting advice regarding men’s expectations on the first date. I am a very youthful looking 68 year-old woman. I am told I look mid-fifties, but this isn’t the point, just background info. I grew up in the fifties and sixties with high values. I did ... Read more

An Open Letter To The Man Who Left Because I Said 'No' To Sex


Dear Disappearing Man, I want to thank you for waking me up. After going on so many first dates with men who were trying too hard, who were not strong, who didn't have much of a personality, who had little depth or consciousness, you showed up with your passions, your zest for life, your keen intelligence, your manliness, and your sexiness. You awakened ... Read more

Turn Off The Computer And Go Outside. Happiness Is Waiting!


In my earliest memory, I'm 3-years old and sitting in my front yard in Atlanta, surrounded by tall grass and yellow dandelions. I pick the flowers, and one by one, I pop them into my mouth. Yum! They taste like the warmth of the sun, a little tart, a little sweet. (It's a good thing they're edible!) When I was three, smelling the earth and eating a ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular