You've Been Transferred: Making Friends in Your New City

Finally, your boss calls you into her office and announces, “We’re giving you a promotion.” Absolutely enthused (what took her so long?), you whoop your acceptance. “There’s just one thing,” she says, “You’re going to have to move cross- country.”

The balloon deflates. “My friends and family are here,” you think to yourself. But the opportunity is so big you know that those are the exact people who will tell you to move.

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Making friends in a new city can be intimidating, particularly because we lack the built-in social structures that propagated our friendships when we were children. No longer do we have our parents who arrange play dates for us, or do we invite our entire class to our birthday party just because it’s expected. And the open invitation bouncy house has morphed into a not-so- inclusive “guest list only” nightclub.

But making friends in a new city doesn’t have to be daunting. Rather, it could be considered as an opportunity to create an entirely new social circle and an easy escape hatch from past drama.

Here are some tools to help you to make wonderful friends in a new city in no time.

Visualize your future friend

Considering what you want in a friend is crucial to making the types of friends who will contribute to your life in a positive way. After all, as Sir Francis Bacon once said,

“Friendships double joys and halve griefs.” Consider this as you envision your future friends’ traits. What traits bring out the best in you?

Remember that friendships are designed to elevate, inspire, encourage, and support.

Those friends who fulfill us are insightful, open-minded, accepting of idiosyncrasies, honest, and loyal.

You also must evaluate yourself: Do you bring out the joy in others? Do you support, elevate, and encourage your existing friends? According to the Law of Attraction, we attract what we emanate. Therefore, in order to attract friends with the qualities we want, we must first embody them.

Talk to Strangers

Remember when your mother told you not to talk to strangers? Although this rule may have helped to protect you as a child, adhering to this later on in life will suffocate you- and it will also prevent you from fostering new relationships. Friends can materialize in all different places, thus engaging with “strangers” is paramount to making new friends.

So be friendly (but don’t be an idiot and talk to folks with creep factors set at 11). View others with compassion and gratitude before you even meet them. Strike up conversations with others on line at the coffee shop, the grocery store, at the mall- you will be able to tell very quickly if you are interested in spending more time with someone, and even if you aren’t, the positive interaction alone will raise both of your spirits.

If you do envision them as a potential friend, offer your hand out to the person, saying, “By the way, I’m X. What’s your name?” Exchanging first names will instantly engender a sense of familiarity. Then things can easily transition to a more personal level.

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Follow up

Once you’ve exchanged information, then what?