Who should pay for a first date?


Who should pay for a first date?

This would be understandable if the date showed up late, but even then, the first thing out of his mouth should probably be "Can I get you a drink or coffee?" Dale stated that she believes that "these were guys who had been online for a long time and were pretty jaded." She also gleefully noted that when she met her husband three years ago, their first date was dinner, and he "insisted on picking up the tab."

One of my favorite responses came from Laurie Davis, Founder of eFlirtexpert.com. She agreed that the guy should pay, stating that "Even though women are independent, chivalry is not dead!" She continued by reminding women, "After that though, the gal should try to pick up the check next time even if she didn't do the asking. Guys appreciate being pampered too."


This is a good segue to my personal beliefs. Before meeting my wife, I had gone out on almost 400 first dates over 10+ years. I went dutch a few times where I bought the first round of drinks and my date decided to buy us a second round. There were two other times where I went dutch, both were cases where the woman had lied significantly in her dating profile. I paid almost every other time.

On my first date with my wife she offered to split the bill; I said that I appreciated the gesture, but it would be my pleasure to pay. A similar scene ensued on our next two dates. On the third or fourth date though she said that while she appreciated that I kept paying, she was a modern woman who made her own living and would be more than happy to pay. I responded that I'm old fashioned and happy to pay, but if she really wanted to pay she should call me and ask me out on a date. She called the very next day, and did in fact pay for that next date (I did offer to split it, of course, which she declined). The rest, as they say, is history.

A few final points:
- Who pays isn't the biggest issue, but how things are handled.
- Treating your date with respect is foremost. If your date reaches for the check, a genuine offer to split is nice, but should be gracefully declined.
- Don't run to the bathroom right as the check is coming.
- If you aren't prepared to pay, you probably shouldn't ask someone out, whether you end up paying or not.
- Don't say "I'll get it next time." It's making an assumption that could come across as too cocky, since you don't know if there will be another date.
- If things are going really well, instead of offering to pay the tip (assuming the offer to pay was already declined) offer to continue the date instead by treating them to coffee or a drink.
- Finally, though the guy should probably pay, don't take it for granted.

What are your thoughts on the topic?

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