Photo: Getty
By Rori Raye — Written on Oct 03, 2010
Do you know the right way to truly connect with a man in such a way that he feels compelled to devote himself to you? If you find that most of your relationships never quite get off the ground, then it’s possible you may have been taking the wrong road to the path of love.
It’s so easy to get lost on the way to the relationship you desire, so please be gentle with yourself if you can relate to the descriptions below. All of us women have taken the wrong road in our attempts to get close to a man – including myself. I took the wrong road many times before finally discovering how to create the kind of loving relationship I wanted. When I started taking the right road, that’s when I found my husband.
Wrong Road #1: The Logical Road (MIND)
As a smart, independent woman, you’re probably very good at shining during a discussion and engaging a man on an intellectual level. You’ll impress a man and make him enjoy your company, but you may feel disappointed to learn that he feels no chemistry – even if you have a great deal in common.
That’s because when you try to connect with a man through his mind, he doesn’t feel a thing!
For a man to fall in love with you, he needs to feel touched by you in a deep, connected, emotional sense.
Wrong Road #2: The Physical Road (BODY)
Despite what a lot of women think, men do not become attached through sex – even if it's fabulous. While every man appreciates a woman who enjoys being with him physically, this is not the reason men fall in love. Sex is only a small part of the whole picture for him.
Relying on a physical connection with him will only get you a broken heart – not a committed partner.
Wrong Road #3: The Spiritual Road (SPIRIT)
If you’re like many women who are committed to spiritual growth, then you also enjoy being with a man who shares your values. This is a wonderful thing to look for in a partner, and if it’s important to you then spirituality will be an especially rewarding component of your relationship. But it’s so easy to mistake the friendship that can grow between two people who worship in the same way, who care about the same things, and who are devoted to their families or community.
It may seem like a passionate, emotional bond when what has actually developed is just a deep friendship. He’ll tell everyone what a great woman you are, but he won’t be dreaming about you night after night or longing to hold you in his arms.
So if we can't win his heart by connecting with his mind, body or spirit... what do we do?
The Right Road: The Emotional Road (HEART)
Contrary to popular opinion, men are not averse to emotions. What puts them off is drama. There’s a big difference.
A man actually yearns for a woman who can help him feel his own feelings and therefore allow him to be himself. If you’re not in touch with your feelings, he won’t feel safe expressing his.
So here’s your action plan: The next time you start to feel something around a man, don’t second guess yourself. Don’t talk yourself out of your feelings or stop yourself from expressing how you really feel.
Let's say he acted moody and distant on a special date. Instead of letting it go or suppressing the emotion, you can tell him exactly what you're feeling. You can try something like this:
"I feel confused and worried about what's happening here. Is there something I should know?"
Speak the truth without anger or drama. Just say what happened, what you felt, and what you feel. Don’t blame him or make him wrong. Remember, you don't know why he's doing what he's doing. All you know is you.
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Once you start making subtle shifts like this in your communication with a man – and speaking truly from the heart – I know you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the closeness it creates between the two of you.