Relationships between moms and daughters can be many things, but one thing is for sure: they are complex. Now that you're an adult, you may have a little different perspective on that mother-daughter relationship drama. Whether your relationship with your mother is better or worse than it was while you were growing up, there is one thing you can count on: mom still lives on in your head!
The Power Of Mom
Mothers have an enormous influence on their kids — have you noticed? Obviously some of this comes from the fact that, while growing up, kids are dependent on mom literally for physical and emotional survival. This is part of what makes abuse or abandonment by mothers such an intensely damaging experience. Is Alicia Silverstone Clueless About Parenting?
Even if your mother wasn't overtly abusive, she still had a powerful influence that you've either internalized how you do want to move through life from her examples, or how you don't want to behave from watching her mistakes. Part of the challenge is the myth we all seem to have embraced without question of the eternally patient, gentle, put-together nurturing mother.
The media has certainly contributed to this myth. No matter how many scientific studies are conducted taking a look at the complex dynamics between mothers and daughters, if you're a mother or daughter wondering why your relationship isn't working, you probably compare your insides to your friends' outsides and always come up short. You may have internalized messages from your mother that tell you that you're messing up, you aren't measuring up to her standards, or you're just plain wrong.
When Mom Takes Up Space In Your Head
Inevitably, one day you may realize that your mother is "living in your head." Whether you had a gentle or a dysfunctional relationship with your mother while you were growing up, whether your current relationship is built on mutual respect, or conflict or avoidance, at some point you'll find yourself hearing your mother's voice in your head or making choices based on what your mother did right or did wrong. 6 Things To Do If Your Teenager Terrifies You
I thought I could get away from my controlling mother by moving to another state and we rarely even talk on the phone. Then I realized that I still hear her voice in my head every single day reminding me of what I'm doing wrong.
When does it get better? Mom and I fought all the way through my adolescence, and our relationship hasn't improved even now that I have teenagers of my own!
I didn't have an awful childhood by any means, but I can't seem to completely shake the feeling that I'm still trying to get my internal mother's approval, even though I've been an adult for over twenty years.
What can you do when you realize that you're hearing criticisms and judgements from your mother from inside your own head?
How To Kick Mom Out of Your Head And Reclaim Your Life