Help! I Think My Teen is Mentally Ill!

Teenagers are amazing. They’re tough, they’re needy. They laugh at their friends’ awful jokes, then look at you like you’re from some other planet. They can’t sleep or sleep too much. They’re far more sensitive than they let on, but won’t ever admit it. They take risks with no thought for consequences, insist that pizza is a major food group, take “stands” on issues that you don’t think are important, and expect mom to be taxi-therapist-cheerleader-nurse while never giving you enough information.

So where is the line? Where does typical teenage “angst” become mental illness? When does sensitivity become depression; when does the erratic impulse control during teenage signal bipolar disorder; when does normal risk-taking and rebellious search for individuation become a personality disorder; when does the constellation of symptoms you’re seeing in your teen equal a serious mental illness?

When should you worry?

The toughest emails to read from parents asking for my help are the ones from moms (and dads) who have reason to believe their teen has a mental illness. The stories of their search for help are heart wrenching.

I will never forget the sinking feeling I experienced while sitting with my nearly adult son in yet another doctor’s office, trying to explain to a bored and rushed physician how serious were the hallucinations, rages, and depression that my son experienced on a daily basis. Or the desperation fueling my terror while watching my son in the ICU, listening to the nurses talk about “liver failure” and “death”, knowing that once this crisis was past the help would magically vanish.

Yesterday I had a conversation with my friend Annie who is an RN. Annie reminded me that the cards are stacked against teens and their parents today who struggle with mental illness. “Unless your teen is walking around town with a weapon threatening to kill himself or others, overdoses repeatedly, and/or is so severely disabled that he can be committed, the chances are high that he’ll just be ignored. The psychiatric medical community doesn’t like to deal with “challenging” patients – especially teenagers, and they basically choose not to unless there’s some super-duper private insurance money involved. Sadly, most teens and young adults with mental illness end up getting arrested before they receive psychiatric help.”

That statement made me mad. Having spent the last ten+ years beating down doors to get help for my son and his mental illness, I have a hard time understanding medical professionals who choose to work in the field of mental health, then turn their backs on an entire category of mental health patients.

If you’re a parent facing this issue, here’s the first most important thing to remember:

1. You are not alone!