Baby, Lock the Door!

You return home after a magical date, your heart filled to the brim with dreams of your future together. You're sure this time, sure that this is the one. You've talked about all the heavy issues - your career dreams, his crazy uncle, your teenagers - and he's said all the right words and assured you that together you can work out anything. As you slip out of your heels and head to the bedroom, you can feel your heart beating a little faster. Gently he closes the door, you light a candle, and then completely melt into his arms as lips and hearts meet.

"Mom! I just threw up and can't find the Pink stuff!"

"Mom! There's a huge spider in my room."

"Mom! I just had the worst nightmare ever can I come in?"

When you're dating and have children, there are inevitable challenges to your privacy. Sometimes humorous, those interruptions can be mood killers, can spark resentment, and can even end budding relationships. When your children are teenagers, the situation can be harder - or easier, depending on how you approach it.

Here are some guidelines that will help making your dating experience much less stressful for you, and for your teens. 

1. Baby, lock the door! One of the most important issues for parents who are dating is to create absolute privacy. The older your children grow, the more they will be able to understand principles of privacy and how important it is not to go barging through a closed door into your bedroom. But how much better to simply install a simple lock on your door! 
2. Communication is key! Your children won't know how you feel about your date unless you tell them. Talk about your new friendship with your teenager, and give them time to adjust. While they may not welcome your date with open arms exactly, they can certainly understand your need for dating privacy especially in the bedroom. Having several specific conversations about when you need privacy and what that means will go a long way to helping all of you enjoy this experience without embarrassment or resentment.
3. Choose your priorities. You're a parent first, always. At the same time, you're dating. Stories of teens who send mom's date packing are legendary, but don't need to happen to you. Spend some time deciding how you will handle interruptions to your private moments. Communicate those priorities to your children and your date.  
4. Practice isn't silly! Especially if you've been a single parent for a long time, you may be in the habit of leaving your bedroom door open and being completely available to your children. Set up a "practice date night" with your teens. Let them get some experience with your locked door, while you get comfortable with letting go just a little. Decide on a signal for a real emergency, and be sure you let your date know ahead of time so there are fewer surprises.
5. When interruptions happen, be flexible and gracious. Bottom line is that being a parent is a large part of who you are. If your date is serious about getting to know you, he'll appreciate the "parent" part of you too.