Love Is An Action Word: Healthy Behaviors For Couples


Love Is An Action Word: Healthy Behaviors For Couples
Tips for active, healthy partnerships from a relationship expert.

2. Know Your Love Languages:

Here's another scenario: you and a friend decide to see a movie. On your way out, you ask your partner to please clean up the kitchen. However, when you arrive home later you notice that there are still dirty dishes in the sink. You immediately feel disappointed. Your partner comes over to welcome you home with a hug and kiss, but you put up your hand to stop him. He immediately feels rejected. The outcome includes hurt feelings all around, with each person becoming emotionally distant — and it is a good bet a fight will take place soon. What happened? 


In his book The 5 Love Languages the Secret to Love that Lasts, Gary Chapman proposes five different styles people use to express and receive love: acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, physical touch and quality time. Although we each use all five, we will typically identify with one or two as our main love languages.

In the scenario described above, when you asked for help with cleaning up in the kitchen, you were demonstrating that "acts of service" are your love language. When your partner approached with a hug and kiss, he was stating this his preffered love language was "physical touch." Understanding our primary love languages can easily change outcomes because when we know what we desire from our partners, we are able to better communicate our needs. 

Let’s revisit our scenario: you leave and ask that he clean up the kitchen. He recognizes that acts of service make you feel loved and important.  When you get home you find the kitchen is clean, and dinner is even cooking on the stove.  Knowing that your partner feels most connected through physical affection, you walk right over, give him a big hug and kiss, and thank him. This time, the outcome is positive: you have both received love in your preferred languages, and what you gain is a deeper connection to each other.

Couples who can master these two relationship components are well on their way to a long and happy life together.

To discover your Love Language take the online quiz at

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Get even more insights about the ways love is scientifically proven to transform your mind, body and soul and the practical, warm-n-fuzzy ways you can practice love each and every day by checking out all of our Love Transforms stories here!

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