Make him want this relationship AND you ... forever.
It’s Spring, and love is in the air. More specifically, the song Sugar by Maroon 5, is in the airwaves, playing almost continuously. For single women struggling to understand what men want, the lyrics to this song provide a crystal-clear answer:
I'm hurting, baby, I'm broken down.
I need your loving, loving
I need it now.
When I'm without you
I'm something weak.
You got me begging, begging
I'm on my knees.
Sure, the singer's “need” is partly about sex—that’s what most of us hear in these lyrics. But if you think that’s all there is to it, you may want to take a fresh look at how men experience love and romance. Men have a deep longing for acceptance and respect—that's the real source of sweetness in the song.
Here’s the back story. Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine began dating Victoria’s Secret model Behati Prinsloo in 2012. The relationship lasted about a year until they broke up. Then he began dating another beautiful 20-something Victoria’s Secret model, Nina Agdal. However, Levine stayed in touch with Prinsloo. According to US Weekly, "After Adam broke up with Behati, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He realized he really loved her and wanted a relationship with her. He knew he wanted to propose."
This is a classic example of a man needing a little space and distance to connect with his deeper feelings. (And a reminder that if the man you are dating is cozy with his ex, you should break up with him immediately and move on—because he obviously hasn’t.)
So what is so special about Behati Prinsloo that made one of the world's most eligible bachelors so sure he wanted to marry her? (Their wedding took place in 2014, about two years after they first began dating.)
For one thing, Prinsloo didn't make a big deal about their breakup and wisely granted him his freedom. She allowed Levine to lead her into deeper commitment when he was ready. But it's also clear that she gives Levine that "sugar" men need so desperately in order to bond with and commit to a woman.
Want to know how you can satisfy this need in a man (and make him feel supported and strengthened through your love and companionship)?
Here are five tips to make him crave commitment—with YOU:
1. Desire Him
Sex is what you were thinking at the beginning of this post, and, of course, it belongs on our list. Sure, men love it when we enjoy heart-pounding, enthusiastic lovemaking. But a big part of that is showing him that he really turns you on and you appreciate him as a man. That's not something that begins and ends in the bedroom. When you connect strongly with your own femininity, you help him find the joy in his masculinity—he feels accepted as he is.
2. Trust Him
One of the greatest gifts we give a man is our vulnerability—the willingness to view and accept him at face value as a "good guy." If you’re single, assume your date is a gentleman and that he knows how to treat you right. Your attitude of positive expectations will go further than actually telling him what to do. If you’re in a relationship, give him his freedom to do “guy stuff” or just go off and do things without you. (If you truly don’t trust him because he repeatedly disappoints you, he’s not your Mr. Right. Break up and move on.)
3. Appreciate Him
Make sure he knows you appreciate him for all that he does, for who he is and for the mission he has chosen to embrace. Did I surprise you with the “mission” part? All men are on some kind of quest, even if they don’t broadcast it. It may or may not have to do with his job. Maybe it's centered around a hobby or interest that you, at first glance, think is unimportant. If you don’t already know, find out what your man’s mission is and make sure you openly appreciate his commitment to it.
4. Make Him Feel Like A Winner
Sometimes, the very men who rack up win after win at work end up feeling like losers at home or in their dating lives. You want him to associate you with a feeling of winning—something all men, regardless of personality type, really do crave—for the relationship to progress. Smile and say, "Thank you" in a genuine way when he tries to please you. (When a man loves you, his BIGGEST win comes from pleasing you.)
5. Respect Him
Respect is the most crucial because it's central to a man’s self-esteem and well-being. It’s something you have to show, through your actions, for him to view it as sincere. For example, loyalty is an important component of respect. That means never belittling or mocking his views, preferences, abilities, or interests—not in private and certainly not in public. You are a team, and team members have each others’ backs. That doesn't mean that you agree with everything he says—that wouldn’t be authentic OR realistic—but agree to disagree in a respectful manner.
Finally, understand that for a man, how you dress and present yourself is a sign of how much you respect him. Be the woman he loves showing off and is proud to have by his side.
Remember, "sugar" doesn’t stop once you cross the altar together. In fact, married men have an even deeper need for a daily dose. Life has many challenges and he needs some sweetness from you to help him through. Trust me, he'll repay you in countless ways if you make the effort to give it to him.
Robyn Wahlgast is a Certified Dating and Relationship Coach, and a happily married mother of three. Subscribe to her FREE newsletter at New Direction Dating.
This article was originally published at Robyn's blog at New Direction Dating. Reprinted with permission from the author.