Don't Kid Yourself — Men And Women CAN'T Be Friends

Photo: weheartit​
men and women
Love, Self

"Just friends" is nice in theory, but it rarely works in real life.

Things change quickly these days, especially the evolving roles between the sexes. But, unfortunately, there are two major hurdles that keep getting in the way of men and women being simpatico.

Today’s women are more educated, and as a result they are ascending in the professional world rapidly. Liz Munday’s book The Richer  states over 40 percent of working women out earn their partners. That’s progress!

But ... how are they doing when it comes to interpersonal relationships?


Having your own money changes a lot, but there are some areas in the relationships between the sexes that have not shifted as rapidly as the changes in the workplace. 

Do you ever wonder why it’s so difficult for men and women to sustain friendships? 

In many instances, men show a lack of an ability to maintain simple friendships with women, and there are two gigantic, overarching reasons why. (Drum roll, please.)

Men are driven by 1. their egos and 2. sex.

These two go hand in hand like Lennon and McCartney, Abbott and Costello, and Andrew Zimmerman and a platter of fried bull testicles. 

Ladies, men’s ego and sex are not just a big deal. They are the deal for many guys, and in some cases, they become deal breakers when building healthy relationships with women. This is very different for the women I spoke with.

Women have a wonderful ability to compartmentalize the men in their lives. Whether it’s the mentor at work, their financial advisor, personal doctor, gay friends, Zumba instructor, or the cute guy in their wine-tasting class, it’s NOT all about sex for women. 

Women can simply carry on an engaging dialogue and friendship with men without having it lead into the bedroom.

Sure, maybe she wonders about that dude in the wine class a few times, but for the most part, women can holster their sexuality when interacting with the opposite sex. This is wonderful.

But what about the guys? Have they evolved also? 

Women have been here doing their thing for as long as men have. The difference is that women are finally being recognized and accepted for it. 

On the other hand, many men have been dragged, kicking and screaming to accept the resulting ascent of women throughout culture. And unfortunately, too many dudes give lip service and not much else to women. And that’s wrong.

Many men are like porpoises. Their brains don't have "off" switches, so they keep consuming. Ego and the Id control their lives. Maybe these sound like fighting words from your Guy’s Guy, but it’s true. Most men cannot look at a woman without sizing her up sexually.

And regardless of a "friendship" in the making, the male ego continues prodding him to view women sexually. In many ways, it’s not about the sex. It’s about consumption. The male ego works to prevent him from turning off the sexual switch. This is not about love or romance. It’s about sex.


But, sex is only the result of the behavior. Ego is the driver: "I want what I want when I want it."

And this really gets in the way of men and women forging bonds as people. Even if you’ve been friends with a guy for some time, most ladies instantly feel it when the guy’s ego unsheathes that sexual vibe that he has done such a good job of keeping burbling in his consciousness.

Sure, nowadays most guys have learned probably from a woman how to maintain friendships with females. That’s great, and we need more of that. 

What should you do?

Identifying the issue is easier than solving the problem. Of course women play a major role in managing these platonic relationships, but ultimately the solution has to come from the guys.

Men need to be educated at an early age to treat girls and then women as equals and always with respect. That’s a great place to start any friendship. 

So, is it possible for a man and woman to maintain a platonic relationship?




Explore YourTango