Want to Finish First? Be a Nice Guy. Be a Guy's Guy

Love, Self

Finish first, be a guy's guy.

A couple years ago, I launched my debut novel, The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love. Here’s the story: Max Hallyday, the main character, is asked by his ex-girlfriend who is launching a new girl power magazine, to pen a column that provides a “regular” guy’s perspective on life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. Max repeatedly declines her offer, telling her that women only want to “know” the truth that they want to believe about guys. Ultimately, a series of incidents change Max’s perspective and he agrees to write a column dubbed as (drum roll, please), The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love.

So what is a guys’ guy?

A Guy’s Guy is a contemporary version of a man’s man, but better. He’s a bit more casual, he applauds the ascent of women and sees how this benefits everyone, including men, and he’s less macho than his predecessors. He knows that today’s world is screwed up, but he’s not angry and he doesn’t take out his frustrations on others, especially women. He’s a nice guy that plays the game and still knows how to win. A guy’s guy is likeable and he connects with the ladies on an intrinsic level. He’s an optimist that sees today’s dating landscape as an adult version of Candy Land.

I thought nice guys finished last. How can he finish first?

It's easy. Despite what you may have heard or read about women digging “bad boys”, in the long run most women prefer traits like stability, being a gentleman, and kindness over trying to be the hard and cool dude. That’s for music videos, and although playing the badass can be fun, how many hot women do you know who are locked into a relationship with a prick, unless he has a major trust fund and a body like Brad Pitt in Fight Club? Women take care of a lot for themselves these days and they don’t need men for all that much, which is actually a good thing. So they demand and deserve nice. That means they want men to pay attention and show kindness to seniors, animals, little kids, and the service staff at places they frequent.

For perspective, women are not turned on by boring dudes, but being a nice guy does not have to mean boring. I met Keith Richards at the theater one time—a rare moment where it was just he and I waiting for a drink just before the act ended. He gave me the once over when I said hello, but then he smiled that happy pirate face and chortled a throaty laugh as he put his hand out to shake mine. Nice guy. And why not? He’s still a rebel, but he was cool. And that’s the point. Nice is a trait that never goes out of style and today’s women expect and deserve it. And being a nice is part of being a guy’s guy. If you’re a guy and you want to connect with women, be yourself at all times, but transcend being an angry young man and be a nice guy. Better yet, be a guy’s guy.

So is your man a guy’s guy?


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