Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

It Is Time To Let It Go and Move On

No need for depression

Yogi Berra once said, “It ain’t over until it’s over.” Is the same true for your relationship?

For many couples, this Guy’s Guy says no. It can be over way before it’s officially over. I am sure you've all been in one of those relationships where for a myriad of reasons you stay in it even though there are overriding, unresolved issues that prevent it from growing. And that’s the point. Like a plant, healthy relationships keep blossoming. An unhealthy relationship remains stagnant, and any growth is like a weed—random and at times unhealthy in what manifests. Sometimes what emanates from a tainted relationship chokes off the beauty and joy that a healthy relationship can foster. 

It’s never easy to walk away, but are you really doing yourself a favor by staying in what you know deep down is fatally-flawed? Your time is better spent healing and moving on versus prolonging the inevitable. It’s worth noting that many men, myself included, never know what hit them when a woman finally lowers the boom. Women can hang in there even when they know it’s not working and some of them insist that the guy "should just know" that something is wrong. Good luck with that, ladies. But that’s for another column. Let’s get down to business and review some of the telltale signs that you’re long-term relationship has come to a grinding halt. This way you can both have a conversation and either address the issues or move along.

1. No Communication.

Just think how many of your friends talk endlessly about what’s wrong with their relationship and don't actually have that same conversation with their partner. The one who stays in that same relationship for what seems like an eternity? Healthy relationships are about communication. Couples in love enjoy conversing about anything and everything. And, guys, it’s not all about how you feel about stuff. It’s about sharing and actively listening to the one you love. Okay, so you may not be all that interested in her psychic development yoga class, but listen up and learn something. You can go back to your fantasy football lineup soon enough. If it means something to her, it could probably help you, dude. The flip side is when women drone on about their job. Ladies, try and keep it contained. Guys have enough work-related stress of their own and they are programmed to solve problems, so if you do not want a solution, go easy on the download.

2. No Joy.

Sounds pretty obvious, but we all need to check in every now and then and ask ourselves if this relationship is making us happy. Again, think of how many of your friends complain about their partner yet keep on going. For a solution, see point one. When couples enjoy each other’s company, the talk flows easy and the laughter follows. Yeah, it’s that simple.

3. No Sex.

Do I even need to go here? Maybe a little. What I call "no sex" really means, no sex that includes communication and joy. Aha! Think about the times when you two went through the motions and released tension by getting off. I’ve been there, and I get it. It feels real good and maybe you wore those black panties and five-inch heels that make him so crazy for you. I like them too, but I’ll bet that if he kisses your fingers and takes his time because he wants you to know how much he loves you it feels even better.  Wham-bam sex has it's place, but true love takes the time to satisfy both partners, physically and emotionally.

4. No Regrets.

The last place you want to be in a relationship that is ultimately unsatisfying. Staying in it only gets worse, so if you dig deep down and ask yourself if you are really happy with this person and the answer is no, you may end up wallowing in the regret zone, which is not to be mistaken with your happy place. You deserve better, so either have the straight up talk and fix things or agree to disagree and move on. You do not want to invest your valuable time in something that does not bring you joy on a daily basis. I have been there and so have you, but no regrets. It brought us to now and that’s the only place to be. Now go make the most of it.

Have you stayed too long in an unfulfilling relationship?



Explore YourTango