The truth is, married men have too much baggage and too many rules! Some gay men are going to disagree with me about this, but others will shout, "Amen!" I've heard something like this all too often: "Meet me on Thursday between 1:42 p.m. and 2:12 p.m., behind the half-burned building on 12th and Oak. Park your car on 13th and make sure no one sees you. And make sure you wear something that makes you blend in! Oh, and bring lube and condoms because I can't get caught buying those things. What would my wife think?" If I wanted to play by someone else's rules, I'd be throwing myself at Christian Grey. And if you don't know who that is, you should be turning 50 shades of red right now in shame!
Married men who are just having sex with men often don't think clearly. Okay, maybe all men who are playing around on the side are thinking with their penises instead of their heads. Not sure if it's the thrill of the adventure or what, but I've encountered—both in my personal life and among the clients I've worked with—married men who take sexual risks, have sex more frequently than the average gay man and seem to see themselves as invincible because they're "married and only playing with other married men." Last time I checked, STDs don't discriminate between single, married, gay and straight.
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I've probably said enough to turn many "married and straight but having sex with men" types away from ever working with me, if they ever finally decide to come out of the closet. If that's the case, I find that sad. After all, who better to help someone finally find his truth than a man who has been on this journey himself? I'm your ally, your confidant, your brother. I'm neither your enemy nor your tattletale. Often, people tend to seek help from those who haven't traveled a similar path. That can work too! Just remember, you need to understand not only how you've hidden it for all these years, but how to come clean and be authentic about who you are, so you can someday become a married gay man ... at least in a few states!
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Rick Clemons, The Coming Out Coach: Certified Professional Coach (CPC), Energy Leader Index, Master Practioner (ELI-MP), International Coach Federation, Associate Certified Coach (ACC). Rick Clemons is a Certified Professional Coach who has been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought-after radio show guest, blogger, author, and Sex Coach U faculty member, who lovingly addresses the many facets of coming out for all who are touched by this journey. Rick has also hosted his own radio show, The Coming Out Lounge, and has been an expert guest on numerous other radio shows, plus featured in national print and web publications.
Sign up for Rick's free video series, "Coming Out Without Coming Unglued!" Connect with Rick through his Coming Out & Life Coaching Newsletter. Want to chat with Rick? Schedule a complimentary session! Sessions are available via phone, Skype, and in person (in Los Angeles, California).
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