Regardless of the recent swell of states adopting gay marriage, and even though Gay/Straight Alliances are commonplace in most progressive high schools these days, there’s still plenty of reasons your spouse may be hiding in the closet.
Before leaping into the list of reasons someone continues to hide in the shadowy closet, it’s important to understand one critical piece of this journey for both you and your spouse: “No one is ready to come out until they’re ready to come out!” Seems almost too simplistic, but it is true.
Even in the most progressive families where the parents help their child come to terms with their sexuality, until that child is truly ready to accept their sexuality, they’re simply going to stay snuggled in the closet. The same holds true for your spouse who is hanging out between the wooden hangers, hiding (or hiding from) their sexual truth. No one can force them to step into their sexual truth until they are ready to look their sexual identity in the eyes and say, “And so I am!” Of course it’s possible that you might find an email between your spouse and someone of the same sex that reveals the truth. Or maybe, you discover same-sex porn on their computer and their hand gets forced to confess their sexual proclivity. In these cases the truth is shoved into the spotlight, but that doesn’t necessarily mean your spouse is ready to face it, or that you are. In fact, Comedian Todd Glass said it best when he recently outed himself on Marc Maron's WTF Podcast, "Every person on this planet comes out at exactly the same time: When they're ready."
Forced outings around sexuality can cause pain and suffering that may take years to heal, or could lead to suicide as seen in the recent highly publicized Dharun Ravi case. (Ravi has been convicted of cyberbullying for posting the secretly videotaping and posting online the sexual acts of his gay roommate, Tyler Clementi, which led to Clementi’s suicide.) But why else might a spouse stay deeply secluded in the closet.
Top 10 Reasons Spouses Don’t Come Out of The Closet!